It must be hard seeing him.     It would hard , for example, for me to see my GX in church ..   It must be double so if they change sex and how they appear.

I get bitter sometimes about all the support because where is the support for the discarded spouses like us.
But I think ,  many of them probably did not marry a straight spouse like us.     I have to respect ..say 2 gay people who know they are gay and do not marry straight people.     

I would say you are not lost or alone.. your exactly who you should be ...a straight woman.    We are made in Gods image.    I think its important to avoid him...he is trigger.   If you do see him I say hold your head high; you did nothing wrong.      We are so much more than these spouses could ever comprehend.

A prayer  and ehug..

Victo wrote:

Theoretically, if society was accepting of LGBTQ experiences, there would be no need for the SSN because nobody would bother living in denial.

Ah, the ever-handy get-out-of-jail-free-society's-fault card. Not a fan. How convenient for them to have an excuse that absolves them of all responsibility right? While simultaneously making them stunning and brave in the very society they like to claim is to blame. That's some trick! I don't buy this as an excuse anymore. There is always a more ethical option that doesn't end up deceiving and destroying someone else.

It's a character problem in my opinion. I think it's selfishness and not lack of acceptance. Straight people have their share of those types too. It's an instant eye-roll from me when I hear this now. And the further away from the 1950's we get, the less legitimate it seems. In any event, I don't think it's an excuse for what was done to you, or any of us, really. It's so easy to think it's our fault, or society's fault, but the blame rests squarely with them, whatever excuses they hide behind. I'm just glad the lies are over for me. How sad for them that they can't say the same.

Thank you all for your kind words, support, comments and suggestions.  It helps a lot.  I am not so lost and alone.  BIrdSolveig  

Bird, 
  Is it possible for you to relocate?  I am planning to do that myself.  I retired early, but retirement was a cover for my refusal to work in a place that would discipline me if I spoke about what had happened with my ex--the university where I taught threw its institutional weight behind his desire to silence me so he could stay closeted. It was difficult enough for me to work in an atmosphere of celebrating all things trans, and I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to see him in his woman guise, while those around you refuse to acknowledge how he wrecked your life.  

Birdsolvig,

You are not a minority..they just want you to think you are.

Its important to have a safe place away from trauma..if you cant move definitely change your locks. Im 3 years out and just only feeling safe from the abuse and trauma. 
Look at commuting to another church.