Hi there MeMe46, and welcome and sorry you find yourself here but hopefully you can find the support you need. I hate to say it, but your odds aren't good. It's why not many of us post in the MOM section. To me it sounds like you set some pretty clear boundaries that he has little respect for and that you don't have anything to work with. You are, however, the only one who can decide if that life he is offering is acceptable to you. Read, comment, check out the first aid thread and don't let yourself be talked into something you don't want and would be unhappy living with. You matter too.

Sorry for the late replies, I’ve been visiting family. Thank you Whirligig for the advice, I haven’t read the first aid but I will. Thank you Dutchman. My husband has been really processing the advice you gave.
After finding the materials 6 years ago I knew he was bisexual man and I accepted it. But He didn’t except himself and when temptation found him in a mentally low point he gave in. Because he hadn’t accepted himself. I have a clear enough understanding that a person can have a desire but not act on it. So, I am sticking by my husband. With the hope that we can get pass this and with the understanding that I can’t make him want to be in a monogamous M O M. At the risk of sounding defensive, I will say this. My husband and I have an amazingly happy marriage outside of this. I know that a marriage can only work if there is honesty and trust. My husband says he will start being completely honest with himself and me. He has also expressed that he is going to do whatever he needs to do to repair the damage that he’s done to our relationship. He is also aware that actions speak louder than words, so I’m still making preparations to part ways if need be. I do think that because I was quick to forgive the first time he thought (hope) I’d be quick to forgive again. That is so not the case and now he is having to really take a look at who he is and what he wants.

Thank you Dutchman. My husband has been really processing the advice you gave.

I hope it's clear to him that it is not about him suppressing sexual feelings (on the contrary: accepting and facing all aspects of his sexuality without denial), but that it is really about freely choosing a way of living of real love with each other. Choosing something beautiful and to be proud of and focusing on that, which is so very much rewarding. 

(to your husband)
So many people follow the route by which they feel bound to seeking fulfillment of urges. If that is met... Happiness will be found.
Well it will, there sure is happiness in finding fulfillment of urges.
But is it honorable if it's at the expense of others, and/or breaks your vows and contrasts deeply felt principles? What does this say about who you are, what are your motivations? Looking in the mirror: Who are you really? 

Denying yourself realization of a part of your sexuality, is not something one wants. It's a choice, and should be for good reasons.
This goes for everybody, gay or straight alike. Anyone in a monogamous marriage denies him/herself having sex with others then the spouse. It's not a peculiar problem that's special to a MOM.
But for gay/bisexuals in a MOM it can feel extra difficult not having that part of themselves fulfilled. That is part of this reality.
Fully accepting and acknowledging this difficulty exists, and coming to terms with the fact that this is a part of yourself that cannot not be realized is important. It's an unavoidable consequence of the choice you make.
That part of sexuality is not what defines you as a person, so do accept it as an part of yourself, but it's not what makes you being you! (...unless you allow it to be).
So it's no fight against yourself as a whole, but it is the true acceptance of consequence you freely choose. Don't fool yourself hovering between monogamous marriage and living out gay feelings. It's just not possible! It's the one or the other, there is no in between. Never ever! 
And remember: Nobody is forcing you, it's your own choice. You choose your way of life, nobody else does this for you, it's your own decision. So think it through real well, make a solid decision, and stick to that. This is the reality you choose.

The straight spouse has his/hers own set of emotional troubles to work through. Not feeling wanted and/or rejected, rebuilding trust, rebuilding damaged image of themselves. This is a world of emotions and feelings too, and this also has to find a place. This has it's own complications and troubles, not to be underestimated. (At first I stuffed that (emotional) part away for the good of the cause, but sooner or later it comes back and you have to deal with it).

The whole process is (emotionally) complicated and takes much time to work out. It's a journey you take together, you both take responsibility for the well being of the other, and also must have confidence in each other.
Remember: True love is seeking the value and best interest of the other, that you take upon you for a common goal.

It can end in failure. Read all about it on this forum! So be warned, there is a cliff left and right from you!
It's real and serious business, no half baked solutions will suffice (like you experienced in the last six years). No, it has to be REAL inside! Not just outer appearance.

If you still really want to make it and the foundation is clear, brace yourself for several years of difficulties and hard work. But also: getting closer to each other in the process, learning to communicate more open (yeah, you may think you do already, but there are many more levels for you both to discover...). Learn who you really are yourself, learn who the other really is. 

Where will it lead to? Well it's up to you of course!

We've been through this ride in our marriage, and yes we made it. So it's possible!
At this end of the journey, we both think it was the best thing that could happen to us! And that is something I really mean! 
We're not "struggling along with this MOM burden we have to deal with". On the contrary, we so consciously love and trust each other, that it's actually a celebration for us. We're proud to be in a MOM! For it brought out the best in us. 
Often standard straight marriages take a lot for granted, and can miss out the real meaning of love. They don't seem to know what it's all really about. Sex could obscures the lacking of real commitment and values. No struggle to reach out to each other despite their own needs. Real love isn´t tested or addressed. (divorce rates speak for themselves). One thing about MOM's: it's not a love that can be taken for granted. The love has to be very much real. It has overcome difficulties against many odds. In a successful MOM this is something of proven value and to be treasured! It's tested and secure.
Most of all: it has grasped the real meaning of love: Seeking the interest of the other and bringing the best and most beautiful of the other to the surface.
So that both can truly show what they are really made of. And yes... this be the (unsuspected) result of a MOM.

What about sexuality in this MOM?
When love is that strong, the "physical attraction" thing/objection actually is of minor concern. We have passionate sex, and we don't care a bit about some "Kinsey scale" doing that.
We love each other and that is a bright burning spark. Everything flows from that source, and it's pure joy for the both of us. So in this regard, we're certainly not struggling. I think many straight couples would be envy. 
I'm not giving details, take my word on it.  

Real love that acts in freedom is a power that is stronger then rock, nothing can stop it. Going through the trials and tribulations that a MOM undoubtedly causes, can bring real love to the surface.

It's all up to the spouses in a MOM. It depends on the choices one freely makes and the person one truly is.

You're sincerely trying and that I applaud. Be sure to start on the right track this time, and go for it!
Success to you both!

Last edited by Dutchman (January 5, 2020 2:01 pm)