OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Please be aware this is a public forum, do not post any personally identifiable information you do not wish to make public.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.


  • Index
  •  » Support
  •  » Are you *kidding* me??

    • 1 of 1

     

    December 5, 2019 5:08 pm  #1

    BFFof2
    New member

    Offline


    Are you *kidding* me??

    BFF & I are not speaking right now, but I'm still FB friends w/ him, & all his siblings, inlaws, etc.

    The day after the STBXGS came out to BFF (this past summer)she went on a FUN NIGHT OUT w/my BFF's siblings, without him, and posted their happy smiling faces on social media. I was weeping at home, texting w/BFF (who was numb/in shock at the time) and couldn't even process what I was seeing. How could she be SMILING right now? How could she stand to look her in-laws *in the eye*, while they played GAMES together, knowing that she'd just moved into the effing guest bedroom, & was planning on leaving? How could someone I regarded as a sister, who played with my children, who was called "Aunt So-and-So" in my house, be such a fucking deceitful wretch?

    Well, it just happened again. I unfriended STBX not long after, but my BFF's siblings just posted pics of one of their happiest memories together w/her. (Which showed up in my feed. Because of course they did. 😢 ) I remember this day, the joy that went with it, how we all felt, etc.
    Them: We have to do this again!
    StbxGS: Yeah, let's plan something!

    Me: How can she maintain THIS level of lying for THIS long, and JUST BE OKAY WITH IT??

    This is 1 cause of the strain between me & BFF: he was only thinking about her, how to support her, how this would affect her, etc. He wouldn't talk about HIS feelings, needs, or plans. He's trying to treat her like any other person who was coming out, instead of like he would treat her if she cheated with a DUDE.

    He started treating *me* like shit for asking how he was going to protect himself, what *he* needed, etc. It seemed like such standard fucking questions at the time! Questions that need an answer! But now, it's been 6+mos, and it doesn't look like she's gonna give up her live-in beard any time soon.

    Meanwhile, I've lost my best friend, and my best friend is losing everything, and no one else even fucking knows. I *hate* this.

    Last edited by BFFof2 (December 5, 2019 5:22 pm)

     

    December 5, 2019 8:10 pm  #2

    Rob
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Are you *kidding* me??

    Give it time...he will come around needing support.   Many of us in the beginning think about supporting them because thats all we know how to do.   It took strangers really..my priest, psychiatrist etc  to say "you are abused" to shake me from the insane loyalty that was only hurting me.

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

    December 5, 2019 9:05 pm  #3

    BFFof2
    New member

    Offline


    Re: Are you *kidding* me??

    THANK YOU. 
    Yes, he is being abused.  
    Emotionally, psychologically, financially, I sure to GOD hope not sexually.  
    Thank you. I won't ever turn him away if he contacts me. I just....I felt gaslighted by his behavior. Like he was saying my concern in checking up on him was annoying, bordering on inappropriate (like I was trying to rescue him at first) but we werent' talking anywhere NEAR as much as before TGT was revealed.  

    Edited to add: We were abuse victim advocates together for a long time, so I guess I....over-estimated how objectively he could look at his situation. I've already been personally betrayed several times, so it's almost nothing new to me. It makes a bit more sense if he didn't see this coming at all. 

    Last edited by BFFof2 (December 5, 2019 9:35 pm)

       •Thread Starter
     

     

    1 of 1

  • Index
  •  » Support
  •  »  Are you *kidding* me??

    • Board footera

     

    Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum