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1 of 1- CES
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Just stop
I continue to look to my wife to provide me the things I know she just can't. I want so bad for her to just show some genuine interest, but it's just beyond her. Just now she was getting ready to leave for work and I found myself wanting to ask what time she'd be home...but really, why even ask? It's like I still have this need in me that I can't shake, and I keep looking to her to fulfill it. She won't, and it's so hard for me to let that go. I feel stuck, I don't want to hurt the kids, and the thought of divorce just seems nightmarish. Can I survive years of cohabiting without these needs in me being fulfilled?
- CES
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Re: Just stop
Jk,
Sorry to hear about your husband getting fired. I've been through a series of "revelations" from my wife in the past couple of months so I totally hear you about just when it seems like it can't get worse.
So yeah, here we are 22 years into a marriage, with 4 kids all at home. It's a complicated wreck that I'm basically walking through alone.
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Just stop
CES,
Not alone. You have yourself and a God. You have the forum here. You can build the support network that you not only need but deserve. Call it alone if you want but better to be alone than with someone one who treats you so badly.
It took me sometime in the beginning also.. there I was seeking comfort from someone who just went and hired a lawyer to divorce me. Who just went to a hotel room with her girlfriend. I hear you..but they are not our friend anymore.
Last edited by Rob (September 15, 2016 10:09 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Sue
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Re: Just stop
You're not alone, not alone. Keep repeating. This board helped me stay alive. And I don't think I'm the only one who feels that way.
We are here. Keep writing. Only those who have been through truly understand the layers of mess, pain, and complication.
I'm only a year in, but there are people here who have survived and are now happy. I look to them for hope.
"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
- Clif
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Re: Just stop
HI CES,
So sorry to hear these stories endlessly repeated here. I was married for 27 years. Luckily for me the kids were grown and moved out. And on top of that the GXW just up and moved out. I roamed around the empty house in a fog for months afterwards. It is a horrible, helpless feeling. I am now remarried for almost 5 years and doing well now but it surfaces in my mind every now and then and I still have questions that will never be answered.
Be well.
Clif
- Kel
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Re: Just stop
CES,
It's completely normal to want to know what's going on with the people in your own home. After years of routines and expectations, that's not going to go away. You will always want to know what time your spouse thinks they'll get home from work. It's part of setting expectations for your OWN day.
If you are to the point of seeing no interest on her behalf, that's a big deal. I mean, some people can consider staying married to someone with whom they have it all, except intimacy (not me, but some). But in order to do that, you would at least have to feel everything else is there in spades - interest, concern, love, caring, being a united front and all in. If you don't have the interest of the other person, that's not there. And frankly, why would you want to go on that way? It's not just an absence of stuff that you want - it's the presence of things that you DON'T want. No one wants to live with someone (even a roommate) that isn't at least united and kind. And I'd suggest to you that that's no way to be an example to your children of what they should mold their own marriages after someday. They see all - even the vapid disdain that exists when no words are being said.
Divorce is hard. But not necessarily harder than being married to someone who shows no interest in you. That's hard and heartbreaking.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Steve
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Re: Just stop
Hey Clif. Good to see you mate. (Clif is another 'old timer')
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.