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1 - FatBarbieDoll
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Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
I am a heterosexual woman in her early 30s.
What brought me here was a comment on a Yahoo! article about an episode of the "Dr. Phil" show featuring a woman whose hubby was sleeping with other men behind her back. Other people in the comments section were saying this happens a lot more than we realize and then I was reading some posts on Reddit about how many straight guys are on Grindr.
The one thing I have wanted more than anything else in this world is to find true love but I am afraid it's not possible if a guy I am interested in just does not want to be monogamous and instead will want to just sleep with other people/men. I think I'd be even more hurt if it was with another man because then I'd have no chance at all.
I just can't bring myself to share a partner either -- that would crush my spirit. I ask myself if rampant homophobia prevents people from expressing their sexuality fully. I ask myself that, if we lived in a society that accepted all sexualities equally, would any men be strictly monogamous and have no desire at all to be with the same sex?
This is a topic that really depresses/scares/worries me. Can any men here say with the utmost confidence that they are 100% straight and also not homophobic, so that cannot be an explanation? I may have met The One but he lives in another country so, even if it did work out between us, I can't help but wonder what he is doing, since I am not there. He has an extremely high sex drive too but seems to have no interest in gay sex, however, I cannot be certain.
Thank you.
- Whirligig
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
I'm not a man but I can tell you that if a guy is on Grindr he is not straight. He is in the closet or openly gay/bi/whatever. Some people assume that if society were somehow better or more perfect and accepting this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe they are right but I don't believe that any more. Call me cynical but society is always going to be imperfect and there will always be people who don't want to be gay and will be willing to sacrifice some poor straight person who loves them. These people tend to be disordered. Straight disordered people exist too. Your best option is to train yourself to recognize bad character/red flags and avoid them but there are no guarantees. Still, there are good people of all kinds too. I'd suggest taking things slowly so you have a chance to determine whether they deserve your trust. Good luck!
- Julian_Stone
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
I have the same fear — and I imagine it is a pretty common fear "straight" partners/spouses have. Shortly after my husband dropped the bi bomb, (which, 7 months later, is still a shock to me) I fell down the m4m online rabbit hole and was (still am) blown away by the number of married dads out there looking for gay sex. I briefly downloaded (not my finest moment) the Grindr app — partly to make sure my husband wasn't on there, but mostly out of sheer curiosity — and I couldn't believe how many "down low dads" were in my own neighborhood. They don't even try to hide the fact that they're married. What a crazy world--Grindr. I had no photo, no profile info — and I was still getting blasted with messages and unsolicited photos the moment I logged in. I'm also in my 30s and don't really have any experience with online dating, but I can't imagine it is like this in the straight dating world...haha.
But (to answer your question), I do believe there are many straight, non-homophobic guys out there (and I'm sure many of them in here will confirm that.)
Last edited by Julian_Stone (November 27, 2019 9:45 am)
- FatBarbieDoll
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Whirligig wrote:
I'm not a man but I can tell you that if a guy is on Grindr he is not straight. He is in the closet or openly gay/bi/whatever. Some people assume that if society were somehow better or more perfect and accepting this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe they are right but I don't believe that any more. Call me cynical but society is always going to be imperfect and there will always be people who don't want to be gay and will be willing to sacrifice some poor straight person who loves them. These people tend to be disordered. Straight disordered people exist too. Your best option is to train yourself to recognize bad character/red flags and avoid them but there are no guarantees. Still, there are good people of all kinds too. I'd suggest taking things slowly so you have a chance to determine whether they deserve your trust. Good luck!
I don’t necessarily agree that a guy being on an app meant for gay men isn’t straight — my understanding is that there is a difference between orientation and behavior. Also, why do you think that this would not be an issue if we lived in a more accepting society? What reason would a homosexual person have to hide their orientation if the world around them accepted it fully?
My understanding is that men are much more open to casual sex/hookups, so a guy who just wants to get his nut will perhaps bang another because it’s much easier than convincing a woman to get into bed. I definitely believe men are less picky when it comes to strictly sex than women are. I’ve got tons of messages on these dating sites and no way are all of these men genuinely attracted to me.
I recall another Reddit thread in which some guy who claimed he was straight was hooking up with other men at gay bathhouses. He said that it’s so much easier to hookup with men than women and I can see how that could be true, given our society’s stigma against female promiscuity.
I think some men who are straight just don’t want to deal with the song and dance that often accompanies getting sex from women, so they will go to other men because it’s often no questions asked.
As a woman myself, I fear being labeled a “slut”, so I am at least a bit choosy when deciding the men with whom I go to bed. Male promiscuity, on the other hand, is much less stigmatized and even rewarded socially.
Sure, there are terms like “manwhore” but it’s much less used than the female equivalents.
Sorry for the long comment.
Last edited by FatBarbieDoll (November 27, 2019 2:01 pm)
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Hey FBD,
ask yourself this question - do you want to sleep with women? Straight men don't want to sleep with men.
The woman who founded the straight spouses network said that of all the women who came to her saying they thought their husband might be gay there wasn't one who was wrong.
you know who you are and what you want - monogamous heterosexual relationship. There are a lot of gay men pretending to be straight. Be as choosy as you like.
Last edited by lily (November 27, 2019 2:27 pm)
- Rob
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Julian,
Wow that must have been traumatizing to look on grindr...like a horror show.
FBD,
As a straight guy if you put a gun to my head i would not like guys.
I can assure you there are plenty of straight men out there.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- FatBarbieDoll
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Julian,
Wow that must have been traumatizing to look on grindr...like a horror show.
FBD,
As a straight guy if you put a gun to my head i would not like guys.
I can assure you there are plenty of straight men out there.
They say that sexuality is a spectrum, with some folks being on the extreme ends, but most being in the middle. I hope this isn’t true. All I’ve ever wanted is to be loved by the man I want and then for it to be just us against the world, corny as that sounds.
Do you think you have been influenced by the rampant homophobia of our society and that has suppressed a desire for men for you? Sorry if this is worded offensively — I tried to be respectful.
I think of people like my step-dad who I believe to be homophobic and wonder if that has suppressed a desire he has for men (not saying he does — I honestly DK).
The number one need of all people is acceptance/love, which causes many to hide who they are in order to obtain it.
Last edited by FatBarbieDoll (November 27, 2019 2:45 pm)
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Thread Starter- FatBarbieDoll
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Hey FBD,
ask yourself this question - do you want to sleep with women? Straight men don't want to sleep with men.
The woman who founded the straight spouses network said that of all the women who came to her saying they thought their husband might be gay there wasn't one who was wrong.
you know who you are and what you want - monogamous heterosexual relationship. There are a lot of gay men pretending to be straight. Be as choosy as you like.
“ask yourself this question - do you want to sleep with women? Straight men don't want to sleep with men”
I am sorry but I just don’t believe this. I believe orientation and behavior can be separate. Based on my experience, it’s very easy to get sex with men — many have low standards in this respect and will screw near anyone.
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Thread Starter- Julian_Stone
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
Julian,
Wow that must have been traumatizing to look on grindr...like a horror show..
Rob,
It truly was. If I'd recognized any of those "down low dads" from my neighborhood, I would definitely out them to their wives because I think it is pretty horrific what they're doing to their families...and no, I can't imagine any straight man would be on that site/app.
I am a "flaming" liberal. I'm not at all religious. I have a gay brother and loads more gay friends. I have an extremely high libido...Even still, I can never see myself wanting sex from another woman (in any context). That's not "society" or internalized homophobia....that's just me. I'm sexually and romantically attracted to men — and I think there's a pretty good chance that is never going to change. I don't think this is a gender thing (men are more "fluid" than women)...This is just the way most of us are naturally inclined.
- Whirligig
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Re: Are any men/people truly 100% straight?
FBD,You can believe what you like. I believe that most people who make your argument have some vested interest in it being true. And it's usually a gay person with internalized homophobia who can't admit they are not straight or someone in a relationship with someone who is gay and desperately hopes their partner is not and is looking for reassurance.
Straight people who cheat will cheat with another straight person. If you do otherwise, again my opinion, you are not straight. Honestly, I think it's a little sexist to think men are a slave to their sex drive and will do anything or anyone. There are plenty of women cheaters.
Regardless, the result is the same whatever either of us believe. Someone is hurt by deceptive behavior. Quite frankly I'm not interested in anyone who lies to me about their behavior or their orientation. Good people, gay or straight, tend to be exactly who they say they are and act accordingly.
Last edited by Whirligig (November 27, 2019 4:32 pm)