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1 of 1- Tammy
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I'm Not Sure Where To Go From Here
Okay this may be long....(most talkative in high school
)
I've been married 28 years. The day before we got married, mu husband told me he was a cross dresser. We were young, 23 and 24...I thought I could deal with it. I am very liberal. Well things got pushed, I eventually pushed back and then it became, he did it when I wasn't around and I ignored it...
So come this past year.....mu husband's mother died suddenly in October 2018. We became care-takers of his disabled father, who then passed in December. Well my husband also started drinking again. He is an alcoholic. He was pretty much drunk from October 2018 to October 2019....it was a tough year....but he also started seeing a new therapist and pushing the boundaries...We also came to a good place regarding the cross dressing. I was more accepting of it, I shopped with him , helped him with clothes and makeup......then in August (I think) he told me he is now trans...he starts to see a therapist that specializes in this and going to groups (mind you he wouldn't go to group meetings for his alcoholism) Then he comes home and says he going to start taking hormones.
I pretty much freaked out on him....he did finally stop drinking after I left him...but I am back...and he is sober and still saying he is trans...although he says he doesn't want to be a woman, he doesn't want to medically change, but still wants to take hormones.... (he won't take any medicine for a headache or the back pain he gets, but he'll take hormones) he says they will help his head feel better....but from everything I've read there will also be body changes. I've already told him I am not interested in being married to a woman or a feminized man. I am not attracted to women.
We are now at a standstill. He will stop it all if I ask him to, but he will be miserable and he may start drinking again and that was hell.....but I don't want to be married to a woman.....and I don't want him to take hormones....
I guess I'll stop here, but could go on....he said several things while he was drinking that makes me think he wants to transition. Although he has told his two closest friends, he would loose a lot if he does....
Also he does not work, for various reasons..and if we divorce he would lose pretty much everything....I don't really want to divorce, but I want to be happy again....so I'm looking for support and advice...I've tried finding a therapist around here, but no one has hours open when I can meet or they are too far away...
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: I'm Not Sure Where To Go From Here
Tammy,
I am just out the door but saw your post and wanted to reply so you know you were heard. I divorced a crossdresser who decided he was trans...first planned to take hormones and go public, then decided to keep it private. A lot of what you say about pushing boundaries resonates with my experience.
I'd be happy to say more, but I don't feel comfortable doing so on this thread, which is for those who are not just still currently married, but committed to staying that way--and I'm not, and think often the desire to stay married is denial talking. If you'd be comfortable either Private Messaging me or re-posting this on the Support thread I'll follow up with you.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: I'm Not Sure Where To Go From Here
Tammy hi 
welcome to our Forum.
OutofHisCloset will be a great source & soundingboard for a straightspouse with a trans partner. She'll have lots of advice and links for you
KIA KAHA
- Beingkind
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Re: I'm Not Sure Where To Go From Here
My husband has decided to go whole shebang and receive surgery to become a female.
I'm a little overwhelmed by it maybe because its going to require some tlc on my part and I also have no clue as to whether it will help with chronic depression. Hope it does but really it is not my depression. I really am just wondering how many folks are out there going through this. I do hope to stay involved in my own support network, al-anon mainly. I have only shared this with my sponser. My husband has come out to 4 people in my family and 1 in his so far. Our daughter who lives with us knows but not his son from a prior marriage yet.
He says he only wants to do this for himself and being seen as female is not all that important. It's somehow all gonna be ok, I feel. Love is Love. I believe it can always find a way.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: I'm Not Sure Where To Go From Here
Beingkind wrote:
...... It's somehow all gonna be ok, I feel. Love is Love. I believe it can always find a way.
......And sometimes Love takes another path. You're just at the fork in the road.
Welcome to the Forum Beingkind. I have no experience with a spouse who wishes to be a different gender,
but there are several on the Forum who do and hopefully they will respond to your post.
I will say...don't shoulder all of somebody else' burden. That's not fair on you! You deserve just as much, if not more support
KIA KAHA