Samantha wrote:

Hey all, I’m new here. Samantha...welcome to the Forum On the General Discussion Board there is a thread First Aid Kit, How to Survive Finding Out your Partner is LBGTQ, have you read it?

My husband and I met in high school, together 17 years, married 13. We have 3 kids together ages 1, 3, and 11. It must be difficult going through this when you're younger and have young children. You have all kinds of emotions and responsibilities push/pulling you. There will be extra help and advice on the Support Board from people who have gone through the same 

A few days ago my husband came out as gay to me. He’s since told me he is confused about his orientation but knows he’s either attracted to men or trans women. Don't let your husbands confusion confuse you. This is his personal issue, and although you probably feel like it's yours too......it's mostly his to sort out

This has hit me like a ton of bricks. This is my best friend. I’ve gone through all the emotions, but for the most part feel like a big part of me has died. Yes it's a horribly weird, hurtful and mind-numbing thing....but....you will get through this. And be stronger for it.

My biggest concerns are losing the friendship with my husband and the kids. I’m worried about the confusion this is going to bring into their lives.You're a mother. At this time your children are your biggest responsibility. You're going to have to separate your husbands issue and what the children know....until....you have a better grasp on what's happening, and most importantly....how you feel about what the man you thought was your friend has told you. It's going to be hard....actually it's going to be hell. You have the strength however of a woman who's able to bear and take care of 3 babies

My husband goes back and forth between wanting to move out immediately or going to therapy and trying to work out a MOM. Just try not to get pulled into any of HIS decision-making. Make your own decisions about YOUR life and what YOU want. This is no decision about where to go for dinner, what movie to see, It's a decision about being okay with your husband fucking other people, possibly involving said people in the life you share with a man you thought was yours alone. It will change the dynamics of your life, and it will change it forever. When you say yes you allow him to be the person he wants to be, but not the person you thought he was and it's a decision that may be loaded with regret

I would do whatever it takes to continue the marriage and normalize things for my kids. They are the priority for me. But I want him to be comfortable with that. Once again....his comfort about what is happening to him is his issue. Damn right the kids are your priority Don't get lumped with an extra child who should be making adult decisions. He doesn't need your nurturing, they do.

I’m not sure how to express these feelings to him in a way he understands. He keeps telling me it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to live like that. I feel like it doesn’t matter what’s fair it matters how okay the kids are. I still want his friendship and companionship either way. I said earlier....first you have to untangle all that's happened in your mind. This is a monumental Mindfuck. You need to find a counselor, somebody you trust to confide in. A soundingboard who will keep your confidence. Do you have somebody you can talk to?

Any insight appreciated.

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (November 12, 2019 2:56 pm)

Samantha, May I ask how things are going now? I really feel for you and your pain right now. My situation as a straight spouse is still unfolding, but it hurts worse than anything I have ever experienced. Best wishes. I mean it!