My BF is in denial and lashing out at me. I don't want to leave him. He takes care of me (financially) and has me living in a separate apt from him (across the parking lot). He moved me here after his friend/co-worker came back around and was down in the dumps with his wife (because I recognized their behavior with each other was not normal and I suddenly became a problem and he needed his privacy). I'll spare you all of the details in this post, but it's gotten to the point...him and this friend are basically living together during the week 'for work', and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me...until it's time to go to his family on the weekends. Then he portrays to them that we are a happy couple living together, bragging about how i cook and clean for him and how i 'put up with all his mess'. - I stopped going to the family with him a few months ago because it felt fake and he wouldn't provide any explanation for like...wth are we doing?? Of course that just made things worse.

He knows that I 'know' what's going on, but he has such a 'thing' about the word GAY (which I have never called him). I think something terrible happened to him many years ago and he was left with desires he can't 'own'. And this 'friend' has tapped into that. And it's almost like it's grown into a full-blown relationship. But he gets angry any time the slightest hint of it comes up. And when I say things like...I know you're dealing with something you can't talk about', he gets nicer.

But when I think we've got an unsaid agreement, he still continues to do the most annoying things to 'fool' me. He still contacts me asking for sex (which he usually doesn't want) - he just asks thinking I'm going to say no due to how he's been treating me, but when I say yes, he finds a reason not to follow through. But when we do get together there aren't any issues with function. He is just so adamant that 'he loves women' as if acknowledging that he is messing around with this guy means that he doesn't? So sometimes I feel like he's only asking for sex as if to prove his manhood. Then he gives me updates about his friend 'oh he's getting married now to a new lady' (which is not true) as if to make me think "ohhh so maybe you guys aren't gay after all". Does that make sense?

He renewed the lease here even though he acts like I am a thorn in his side, after I told him I thought it would be the best thing for all of us (including him). He agreed, but still wouldn't admit why. 

I am 100% sure that this is something he hates about himself. I don't think he wants to feel the way he does, but he obviously can't help it. And I just want him to be open about it with ME because:

1. I already know and I still love him and want to be his friend through this, if nothing else.
2. I feel like maybe if he could just be honest with me about it, he could relax and stop with the angry outbursts and accusations. 

But based on his behavior, I am not even sure he is being honest with himself about it. And I just don't know what I can do so that we can both have the life we want, and we can both be on the same page. I can't keep going along with something (for his family) while I'm also expected to play the fool at the same time. 

Is there anything I can to get him to understand that I am not judging him and that it's okay to talk to me about it?