Say nothing to him but do consult an attorney about divorce, if you are married to him, and what to do about the business. He does not sound like a good business partner if he's keeping secrets from you.

You might want to make sure he is not taking money that you do not know about by checking all accounts very carefully.

vicky wrote:

Hey, I'm a dumbass. You are not!!! Today I found a gay bi hook up site on his computer again almost 4 years after the first time.  I used to check my partner's laptop, until the furtiveness of doing it made me so angry at myself that I MADE MYSELF stop it. It was really hard at first but I found the mantra "it doesn't matter what I find, it's the fact I have to look that makes it not matter" so I go nowhere near his laptop now, refuse to use it even when it's something benign, like checking out a Motogp race at his suggestion. I just say "no thanks"  WTF.  So mad i was shaking.  I'm stupid and I knew he would never be honest with me.  I need to see a lawyer and figure this out.  But our lives are intertwined Surely this is exactly why you should be seeing a lawyer? with a business that does not at the moment make any money but is likely to be very profitable in the future.  We've invested a lot of money into it and I've been financially supporting him this whole time.  If I leave him he will need to dissolve the business due to not being able to support himself and I will lose a lot of money.  I am in a really bad position at the moment.  Do I spill the beans that I know No you don't tell him. I found a lawyer, (asked for a female) and intend to gather bank statements to go with my will and the pre-nup we signed years ago that I have ready for my next app. with her. I also intend to rewrite my will and let him lie to me and cover up with excuses because visiting a website is not proof of cheating so he'll just lie and say it was a pop up.  If you don't ask questions....he won't have to lie. Even if he tells the truth...you'll doubt his word so just repeat to yourself "it doesn't matter that he lies" and just get on with making that lawyers appointment.
Vicky

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 3, 2019 6:56 pm)

Definitely go seek some legal advice. Child support is intended to be a way for the parent without the primary custody to fulfill their obligations to their kids. Unless he has the primary caregiver role, I don't see why you would be providing this. Spousal support is situational. Why he has little to no income can affect this. If he focused on the business start-up or was a stay-at-home Dad then he can argue that it affected his career development and prospects. On the other hand, if he just didn't want to work or put much effort into it, that's a consideration against spousal support. It should also have an end date of whatever might be considered "enough" time to get back into the market with skills. After that it's just division of assets to create equalization. If the time frame to business success allows it, maybe one of you can buy the other one out? There may be a number of ways to approach this and it never hurts to be a bit more informed about these things. Good luck with whatever you choose.

p.s. I'm pretty much on the same page as others who don't see much point in confrontation if all it means is denial. I don't think that's great for your own mental health and I think you've mentioned before that he emotional manipulates these situations.

"only difference I can tell is that a VPN hides activity from outside users and lets you visit sites banned by your government."

VPN and Tor are typically used for dark web, yes.

"An incognito window only lets you hide from people within the house (not from governments or Google) and also doesn't let you visit restricted websites." 

Incog browser windows can be viewed by many simple snooper apps.

"He watches a lot of porn, is it to have access to a wider variety of porn?"

Likely. VPN can be free (they are sketchy, but out there) and offer complete anonymity.

VPN is a cause for concern, both in security and what he is viewing.

Sorry to hear this is all happening.