Hi all,

My journey just started and I feel like he dropped me in the middle of an ocean, with nothing to survive, in the darkest of nights and now I have to swim to the nearest shore because my life matters to me and I'm still alive.

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, are best friends and have always had an amazing connection from Day 1. He pursued me hard and like those "soul mate" connections - we've been at ease from the first time we met, no games. Just straight up, being who we are. We've never really fought and have had highs and lows in life. But we knew we were in for the long run and took the challenges one by one. We are both religious/spiritual. We have similar temperaments, values, humor - the whole nine yards.

I thought we valued loyalty, honesty and commitment. He really respected me and many of my family/friends can see how much he loves and respected me.

As for sex, it's been hot and heavy for 4 years. The last 2 years, we've been separated by distance due to work/family/immigration matters so we haven't had sex. We've always been in contact and worked hard to close the distance, because he wants to marry me. We've never been overtly sexual. It's all very sensual but within "sensible" limits cause we're traditionalists. He doesn't really check out women, but I thought he's a gentleman. He has friends of both sexes.

We managed to close the gap, having come so far and endured LDR. 

Then here comes the surprise, out of the blue.

He asked for a break to search himself because he isn't interested in having sex with me, but he is deeply affectionate and still talks about the future. He admits he has feelings for men but has never cheated on me. He grew up in a society and religion that doesn't tolerate homosexuality. He's had thoughts of men but always shuts it down. He tells me this is a phase. This is a relationship challenge that we can overcome. He won't be in contact for 6 months while he sorts these matters out.

Now my best friend has turned into a stranger.

After reading the threads here, it doesn't look good. I have so many running thoughts and scenarios in my head. I'm thinking of myself and the future I want to have - the future that has always included him as my husband. But if he has such feelings, he's not straight while I am. And the future feels like it's vanishing daily.

I don't know why I am here cause it feels like I'm asking for certainty of who he is. How can anyone know, when he is confused? Does he even know?

I just have to share my story. I truly believe people need to live an authentic life. I also believe people have to be honest with themselves. I don't want to be duped or lied anymore when I have been faithful and treated him as my equal/family. I just can't believe how could he do this to someone he claims to be his forever? Who stood by his side when he had no one/nothing and was always championing him.

Thank you for reading.