OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- CES
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
jkpeace wrote:
CES,
The hiding of texts just unnerves me. "I am entitled to privacy"...so angers me. What my husband is really saying is that he wants a different life. I wish I had known that, 24 years ago.
JK
I tried later to explain to her the difference (in my mind) between a private life and a personal life. While I'm totally cool with her having non-mutual friends/interests (personal life), I'm not cool with us having private lives (hidden stuff). She didn't agree...
- What 2 do!
- Unregistered
Re: Lies
I am new to posting but have been reading posts for some time. I totally relate in some way to most everyone's situation...it's amazing how similar all this is!
The thing I am struggling with the most is the massive cover up he has with everyone...me, our children, our family, friends, church, etc. He is great at covering (although I figured it out, confronted him on it and he moved out) and doesn't look gay so it seems to be working for him.
Any suggestions on how to manage situations where we are both present (kid's school, church, in the community) and he is acting 100 percent nice, straight, normal when everything is definitely not OK.
Thanks for the posts and vulnerable sharing...it has been a life saver!
- WendiT
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
If you had asked me while I was married to my X about lying I would have told you that he was an upstanding fellow with good morals.
However, slowly I began to see that sometimes he would lie about really inane, unimportant things. Things so small and simple as whether the sky is blue. Little did I know that he was lying about more.
I have grown to realize that the lie is who he is. He has been in denial and lying about his inner self for so long that he has become the lie. He has had a lifetime to hone his skill and he is darn good at it. He knows no other way. I venture to say that he views truthful souls as weak.
Last edited by WendiT (September 12, 2016 12:19 pm)
"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."
- JJ1966
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
Ces, I got the line about privacy too. I calmly explained that the minute he married me, he was no longer entitled to sexual privacy since there are diseases that even CLOROX won't wash off.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- JJ1966
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
Kel, I love your posts. I realized that after reading this one, one thing was clear, I knew better.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- BryonM
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
Why does anyone lie? Face it, we all do it, or have done it, at some point.
I don't think we lie "to cover things up that we don't want to lose." It's not always about the risk of losing something.
We lie because we imagine telling the truth is going to be a whole lot worse.
Last edited by BryonM (September 12, 2016 7:48 pm)
"I have given you my soul, leave me my name!" - John Proctor, The Crucible
"Question everything you've been told; hold fast to what is true and good." - I Thessalonians 5:21
- Sunflower
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
Mine was really good about lying by omission. He was so good at it that I couldn't tell the truth from a lie.
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
JJ,
So true..within marriage you give up some privacy. My ex was literally demanding all kinds of privacy..ie shut up.and go to sleep to I can text my girlfriend.
That is they definitely no longer want the boundaries of the marriage. How they justify an affair while still married and feel good about it is beyond me.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Judy
- Member
Offline
Re: Lies
Mine never looked me in the eye and told me over and over it was none of my business and to leave him alone. He also told me what yours did. That the lie never happened and I was crazy. Major asshole. My own sex life was none of my damn business.
I get told that the lies actually never happened, I imagined them.
Or that it was none of my damn business anyway.
Asshole.