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September 6, 2019 4:00 pm  #1


Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

Thinking my long term relationship with someone I thought was marriage material is an absolute sham.
I'm going to try and be as brief as possible and just outline my d-days.
1. Dec 2017 Found emotional cheating with an old childhood friend (female) His own mother was rooting him on to leave me for her. Still don't believe that it wasn't physical.
2. Oct 2017 Sending dick picks/jack off videos to some girl out of state. This is listed 2nd because I found this out after #1
3. June 2018 Actual sex (at my house)with random girl he met at bar while I was on a work trip
---I break up with him. 2 months pass we get back together. He seemed remorseful. I was wrong.
4. Nov 2018 Found him talking to a TIM (trans identified male) on snapchat. The tim was sending super gross inappropriate sex videos, and he was telling the tim he wanted to be with them in a relationship. He wasn't even saying anything sexual unless it was deleted. Very confusing.
----I break up with him again because this is all too much. He comes back crying saying he's suicidal and he got raped in college blackout drunk by a gay man. That's what made him talk to a trans and hes confused and has no idea why
#5 Jan 2019 My 13 y.o DAUGHTER of all people tell me that my ex-husband's (my daughter's dad) girlfriend is spreading rumors that my boyfriend slept with her uncle (my ex-husbands gay brother) my daughter is saying how nuts this is, and its untrue.
I'm going to pause right here and make a few comments. If #4 hadn't happened, I would find this unbelievable. My ex-brother-in-law is pretty crazy(like my ex-husband), and he always found my boyfriend insanely attractive. Mildly obsessive even. However he (ex brother in law) just won't drop it whatsoever. He says it 100% happened. He even now sends me really rude, abusive texts telling me how stupid I am, and I'm a pathetic bitch for staying with my boyfriend.
#6 March 2019 I get into my bf's Instagram and I see 4 or 5 searches On there for profiles of people I don't know. They are all young TIM's.
He tells me that it was an exercise is therapist made him do while on the phone with the therapist...To look up these types of "women" and see if it made him feel sexual. He said his therapist provided the profile names to search.
#7 I wait for him to fall asleep and I get a hold of his phone bill. I see July 2018 he called a tranny escort 10 times.
#8 I notice his best friend blocked me on all social media. His best friend lives 3000 miles away. I never see him, nor do I like or talk to him. My boyfriend said he told him to do it by telling him we broke up and he hated me, but really it was because he didn't want me to tell him about #4 or #5.

Now apart from all this crazy shit, I have other problems with him, like he is broke and can't pay his bills. The gravy train is ending for him in 2 months when my lease is up. I guess what I want to know though for closure is what is everyone make of this? He's gay right?!?

 

September 6, 2019 4:27 pm  #2


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

Jramos, At this point does it matter if he’s gay? He’s a serial cheater. Check out Chump Lady.com and compare your experience to others there and here. We try to figure out this behavior, but never will. She calls it untangling the skein? He will cheat and then shift the responsibility to another, an abuser ( the so called rape), his therapist etc. He will then apologize and love bomb and cheat again. We’ve all lived the pattern here.  Very direct advice - you only have 4 years invested- get out now.

All the best,

ADSJ

 

September 6, 2019 6:27 pm  #3


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

I would agree, he's shown he cannot be trusted and uses excuses and emotional blackmail instead of taking responsibility for his actions. He seems to be escalating his behaviour into dangerous areas of health and safety. That can expose you as well. Please be careful.


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

September 7, 2019 3:41 pm  #4


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

Hi, yes, I think he's gay! 

I have seen several stories here of gay sex addicts using women outside their marriage as well as men. 

and I agree with the advice - see a doctor get tested, don't discuss it with him, be cautious and treat him nicely, get him out of your life as fast as you can.

wishing you all the best, Lily
 

Last edited by lily (September 7, 2019 3:43 pm)

 

September 10, 2019 5:22 pm  #5


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

You're kidding, RIGHT!?

 

September 12, 2019 6:03 am  #6


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

No one is kidding you here.  This sounds like way too much to tolerate in any sort of relationship.  It really doesn’t matter what he is, the fact is you have broken up with him for very good reasons.  Send him packing and take away his gravy!  Or he will continue to suck you dry simply for what you provide in basic supplies like food and lodging.  Really you deserve better.  We all do.  And we all have been in the crazy town you describe to one degree or another. 

You don’t need to twist.  You need to run like the wind.  Being single is a better option than this for sure....

 

September 12, 2019 5:25 pm  #7


Re: Pretty sure my bf of 4 years is not only gay, but a sex addict

He sounds like a total liar and no one wants to be with a liar because you can't trust him anymore.

 

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