Hi,

you have five small children - unless you have a family that can take you in, you are staying where you are for the next little while, I would have thought.

but you are learning that you cannot trust your husband - which is so very painful and a very difficult position to find yourself in.  You know he is not being honest with you.  If he is talking to trans people he is likely one himself, a bit of snooping will probably confirm if you are uncertain.

You sound like you are straight, ie you want a husband who will be a father to your children and you can't change being like that any more than he can change into being straight.

Don't try talking about it with him, don't try and negotiate with him, he is not being honest, there's no point.  Less than no point, it becomes a chance for him to manipulate you.  Take your time about it but just start navigating your own path.  

So my advice most strongly is not to attempt to accommodate him one iota.  Not at all.  Don't do anything you don't want to do.   Don't try and stop him from being himself, that's his business, but don't let him stop you from being yourself.  You are straight, be proud of it.  Defend your kitchen!

wishing you all the best, Lily