No matter which way you look at it...you are unique.

He....will NEVER be a true woman. You don't even have to try to be one

*Hugs*

Straight Spouse 1979.
What you are experiencing is documented in the psychological literature.  Here are some excerpts from an article by Donna Chapman.  I have posted a link to it before, and have quoted from it more extensively on another thread.

"The partners of TI individuals are thrown into emotional chaos....The new gender expression of the transitioning spouse may cause the remaining spouse to question their own sexual identity and how they are perceived, no matter how secure they had been about their own sexual identity (Lev, 2005)."

"[Changes introduced by the transitioning spouse have the effect of] shattering the assumptions that [the straight spouses] have about their own identity, about the relationship, and about their own sexual orientation, and triggering responses that meet definitions of trauma."

"[The straight spouse's] sense of self-worth is shaken along with their sense of security in the world (Johnson et al., 2001)."

"When a partner comes out as TI and requests transition the remaining partner’s sense of self-worth is shaken along with their sense of security in  the world (Lev, 2005). Their core beliefs about relationships, their partner, and themselves are challenged even down to their sexual identification and orientation."

"The injured party [who is the straight spouse] tends to swing from one state of hyper arousal to another. Hyper arousal is a cardinal symptom of PTSD; it is defined as a physiological sense of impending danger, restlessness, and extreme fight, flight, and freeze responses. The injured party often accuses and clings, then numbs and withdraws (Johnson et al., 2001). The level of shock and disruption of attachment system that a spouse experiences when their partner comes out as TI clearly parallels the experience of any other couple experiencing the manifestation of an attachment injury."

"Attachment injury and relationship trauma are analogous terms describing the same situation, in which one partner does not trust the security of the relationship and holds the other partner responsible (Johnson et al., 2001)."

"In a real sense the non-TI (TI=trans-identified] partner may feel the attachment injury in the form of loss, grieving the loss of the original partner every time they look at the TI partner."
 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 9, 2019 8:51 pm)

I also felt those feelings, and I felt them even during the time I was attempting to accept and to accommodate myself to the changes he had introduced in himself and our life.  Eventually I decided that the toll those feelings were taking on me, taken together with the self-centered, selfish, and un-empathetic behavior and responses to me of my then-husband, necessitated my leaving the marriage.  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 10, 2019 2:01 pm)

Elliecat
Exactly
Anytime i paint my nails and he is nearby i think great he prob wishes this was him 
I found a journal while snooping on his computer not proud of it but i dont get any information from him and he said he was so distant my entire pregnancy and wedding planning because he wished he was the bride he was the mom
i felt like vomiting ; i wish i had not read it because i feel robbed of what is special to me out of him tainting it by saying he wished it was him 
i found a new deodorant smell for the same reason because he got the same i always wore