OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- MJM017
- Member
Offline 
Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
Am having a health issue -- recuperating -- but too tired to post the correct link.
Last edited by MJM017 (August 7, 2019 12:45 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Elliecat
- New member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
Hi MJM017,
That was a really interesting read, thank you.
The link contains the most relatable definition of gaslighting that I've come across so far:
"Gaslighting is distinct because only one of you is listening and considering the other’s perspective and someone is negating your perception, insisting that you are wrong or telling you your emotional reaction is crazy/ dysfunctional in some way."
I keep a journal and also write notes into my phone at the time so I'm confident of what I really said and heard. This way I've regained confidence in my sanity.
I hope you feel better soon.
- MJM017
- Member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
Thanks for your kind wishes, Elliecat! I thought it was the best article I've read about gaslighting too. It gets to the heart of it. It's more than a lie. It's meant to weaken your instincts so the gaslighter can keep their advantage -- make you stay in the marriage, use you as a whipping post, etc.
I disagree with the author on one point -- that gaslighters do not know what they are doing. They may not know the term but everyone knows when they are manipulating someone by not fessing up. Grrrrr..
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- •
Thread Starter- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
I think the gaslighting was the most insidious and malevolent thing I had to endure...like out of a horror movie or the movie gaslight itself. I think it was worst than getting screamed and sworn at. Why..
A. She could do it in front of the kids ..ie i told you about this appointment dont you remember. I would feel forgetful and crazy in front of them....ie dad is getting real forgetful lately huh kids..
B. I would have to argue my reality in front of the kids making me look mean or stupid.
C. It feels evil and truly shows you where they are coming from..how they will stoop to nothing. It makes you fear them.
If your spouse is doing this ..run..flee..it takes a really mean person to do this..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- StraightSpouse1979
- Member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
It is nice to be validated by knowing that what happened has a word and definitions. I wish I kept a journal all of these years (20) so i can say see on this day you said or did this because I to him never recalled things correctly. Even most recently about a month ago he told his Aunt the same thing he told me but TOLD me that he NEVER said that. So, at least in that scenario I could say well then you told your aunt the wrong thing too.
Maybe someone in this forum knows. How can I download texts to an external thumb drive? I keep all his texts now but I dont want to have to have direct access to them to see them. That is not healthy but i need to have them available for my protection if he ever says I didnt say that again
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
Rob wrote:
I think the gaslighting was the most insidious and malevolent thing I had to endure......
I'm 3 years into this, can see my journey through it quite clearly and can now, with hindsight pinpoint the time when
the most harm was done. It was from October 2016 to the 19th of February 2017 when the dishonest, cold, dismissive, angry and confusing (to me) gas-lighting behavior happened. It was like living with somebody I didn't like, which made it all the more confusing
KIA KAHA
- morpheus
- Member
Offline
Re: Gaslighting Explained - This is what I wanted to post
Maybe someone in this forum knows. How can I download texts to an external thumb drive? I keep all his texts now but I dont want to have to have direct access to them to see them. That is not healthy but i need to have them available for my protection if he ever says I didnt say that again
If you like to copy files from PC (Windows) to an external drive, you can watch this youtube video (click here, for the link). Just tell, if you need more help with that.
p.s. if there's a need to import your texts from facebook messenger - here's a link to tutorial, how to do it. Later you may transfer downloaded file to your external drive.
Last edited by morpheus (August 8, 2019 4:23 pm)