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    July 31, 2019 11:15 am  #1

    StraightSpouse1979
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    Constant Reminders

    Everything is a constant reminder of what is no longer there. Social media will show up photos from 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and memories that you dont want to remember. I find myself deleting those posts so next year they dont come up. I have made all my fb photos to where only I can see them no one else and slowly I am archiving them on the server and deleting them off of facebook. Tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary so I am hoping anyone who remembers my anniversary will know enough to not mention it because they know what is going on right now. This all sucks so much. Even my 5 year old daughter knows what date our anniversary is but thankfully does not keep track of the dates unless she asks what day is it. I just want to crawl into a hole. 

     

    July 31, 2019 4:01 pm  #2

    Blue Bear
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    Re: Constant Reminders

    Hi SS1979:  I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    My 15 year wedding anniversary was last week, and I survived because of the love and support of friends, and particularly with the love and support I received from a truly wonderful person I met through a local SSN meeting.  I’m filing for divorce this week, and even though my situation sucks (and all of our situations suck), I don’t really even feel bad about filing.  My wife had a secret year-long affair with a woman several houses down from us, and divorce is definitely the right decision for us despite having wonderful children aged 6, 9 and 12. 

    Like you, I grieve the life I had and the future I thought we would have, but that’s not something I can change, unfortunately.  Accepting that was really difficult, but it did help me see the path forward.  And it was incredibly liberating because I was letting go of something that I just couldn’t have any more.

    I have three suggestions:

    1.  Meet with a lawyer if you haven’t already.  Many lawyers who practice family law offer initial consultations of about an hour at a discounted rate.  Given the length of your marriage, you might have more financial options in a divorce than you think.  Please do this.

    2.  Find a therapist if you haven’t already.  There is something incredibly cathartic about unloading everything on someone who is trained to ask you the right questions to help you move forward in your thinking.  They won’t be able to give you back the life you wanted, but they can help you unpack the burden you are carrying.

    3.  Keep active in the SSN.  I joined this group, and it is one of the best things I have ever done.  I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share what you are going through on these message boards.  I attended a local SSN meeting, and I met people who understand me in a way that few people ever could.  You can share your story, unload, and receive suggestions and support.  Stay here, we are here for you.

    Good luck.  Keep us posted.

    Last edited by Blue Bear (July 31, 2019 4:29 pm)

     

    July 31, 2019 5:30 pm  #3

    MJM017
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    Re: Constant Reminders

    Hi SS, That is very tough. I could not bear to look at pics or or old emails. I would go into a deep depression for at least 24 hours when I did. It's taken 3 years after the divorce and then death - that I was able to peek w/o problem. Avoiding it helped my healing.

    A gentle suggestion - take a leave of absence from social media. The anniversary date and going through triggering pictures may be overwhelming you.  Perhaps the time to do this archiving is in the future -- either near or far.

     

    No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     

    August 4, 2019 4:43 pm  #4

    TwistingInTheWind
    Member

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    Re: Constant Reminders

    MJM017 - Great advice -  StraightSpouse, please consider taking a break from social media.  I have and it is a huge relief.

     

     

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