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Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 5:47 pm)

When my ex finally accepted that she had to leave, she held up her left hand, pointed at her wedding ring and said, “Wow,  I never thought I’d be able to break my promise to God”.  Therein lies the difference in her view of the vows and mine. I made a vow to her with God as my witness, she made a vow to God to try to be straight. That difference angered me for a long time, but as I get to the ‘meh’ state with her (Chump Lady jargon) I can see that she used her vows to try to be something she wasn’t, whether she wanted the perks of straight life or she just couldn’t accept her orientation I’ll never know,  but it was clear from that comment that we made different promises on our wedding day.

Additional context on what a vow means to whom..,... my ex also  had an openly bisexual male friend that married in the first year that she and I met. I remember him holding up his ring finger and telling me it was an inhibitor.  He is still married but I completely doubt that he has a led a monogamous life - open or closed. He was honest with his fiancé then wife though and they had an open relationship when he was dating her but she didn’t want to know the details.

yeah, it's funny how these people who think so little of wedding vows tend to marry people who do take them seriously.

I'm not sure that the desire for children suppresses the same sex attraction.  I think they are concurrent.  But wanting a family and being same sex attracted don't go together easily in the heart.

For anybody.

I am very upset at the way the lesbian wives treat their husbands -  it's bad, the way they make you feel but I think it helps me face it too - the gay husbands are no fun either.

I am seeing a lot of two-timing amongst the lesbians.  One a man, one or two a woman.  Along comes someone who is considerate and knows how to be a good husband and father and I think they think here is a man who I might be able to raise a family with.

But the heart is still with the lesbian love - that's where the peace and happiness is.

I think it is testament to both how strong the impulsion to have children is and how primary the need for romantic love is.

so here I am doing my best to understand what it's like for them but it's sure not reciprocal.

What I struggle with is the dyed in the wool sense of righteous entitlement to marry whom they want, when they're not in love with them - it's a sin of the heart, isn't it.  

And it's someone that they like for their kindness, and good qualities as a partner.  and it's dance around the mulberry bush rather than admit they don't love you.  what the hell!  where's a good swear word when you need it.

We're the ones who get confused, we tend to think they share in that confusion, but they aren't confused, they've known all along and just stringing you a line, no guilt, no sense of responsibility, and this is your best friend???  I start to struggle at this point, like perhaps I could have a nap and wake up 19 again and meet a good man to have a dance with..