I'm what you call an 'old timer' jk.  Posted here (on the old forum) A LOT in the past... from 2010 to 2014 I think or there abouts.  Maybe before that as well... I've kind of lost track of when I was here.  TGT happened for me back in 2003 but I didn't find this forum for a long time.  I was very glad when I did find it.  Other old timers might remember my name.

I have very fond memories of this forum and made many great friends here who I am still in contact with via Facebook. Unfortunately they are long distance friends who I have never met face to face as I am in Australia.

I haven't been lurking enough lately to know how the new forum is going but it seems to be gathering numbers and providing great support. Back in the day we all laughed, cried and raged together. I have little doubt this forum has saved some lives over the years.

I hope you are doing well

Hi Kel! Hello everyone!
I definitely feel strongly about how damaging porn is. First, research is finding that it changes our brain chemistry and literally causes erectile disfunction. That sucks. Second, it's exploiting   and degrading real humans, reducing them to body parts. Thirdly and WORST of all, the people being used in porn are often victims of human trafficking. There is no way of knowing whether or not the site you are viewing is using sex slaves, underage girls or boys, or prostitutes. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6563338

Hey Kel... here's to marrying a straight man like you did someday! Woo hoo! What a waste of a good sex drive and good looks on a gay husband. LOL.

Steve, please don't take my feelings about the value of porn as being my judgement of you if you choose to view it.  I didn't say anyone that views porn is morally depraved of going to hell.  Neither did I say that the entire industry is made up of prostitutes, sex slaves and/or underage children.  Far from it.  What Iiiii said is that I don't see it as having any real, positive value whatsoever to a marriage.

I really don't care if my thoughts on the subject cause me to have "a lot of trouble with a lot of men".  The only man that matters in this situation is my own husband.  I don't think of him viewing porn as him having necessarily cheated on me.  But I do personally see it as something that's unwelcome in my marriage.  I had a huge issue with my ex routinely denying me sex but satisfying himself in the shower.  Of course now I know why.  But the main problem was that he was satisfying his own needs but denying me the intimacy I was begging for.  I think that's not good for a marriage either, and yet I don't see masturbation as wrong or sinful.  It just wasn't healthy for the union itself, and I feel that way about porn.  No one needs it - they like it. People justify what they like.  It's human nature.

I maintain (to my husband) that if he feels it's "no big deal" for him to look at another woman's naked body (because he doesn't know her and isn't actually having sex or a relationship with her), then I guess the flip side of that is true, too; I can go ahead and put pics of my naked body online as other men looking at it would be also "no big deal".  And yet THEN it's different.  He doesn't want anyone viewing what's his.  And Iiiiii don't want his eyes viewing any other women's naked form.  Checkmate.  It's literally not a right/wrong argument for me - it's about lust.  I don't want my man actively lusting after another woman.  PERIOD.  And he doesn't want any other man lusting after me.  Great.  We're all good now.

I do realize that men see women all.day.long that zap their pleasure centers.  It's life - I get it.  But there is a big difference between seeing something that you cannot avoid and actively seeking to fill your soul with lust for someone.  One is unavoidable.  The other is seeking it.  You have needs, you come to ME - your WIFE.  And I will fill you up.  I have needs and I will come to you - my husband.  And you will fill me up.

Kel

My dad and brother are recovering porn addicts, and my ex gay in denial husband looked at gay and straight porn. I'm very aware that men who don't use porn are few and far between. But I know a few. And because I do view using porn as cheating and exploitative, it's a deal breaker. I'd rather be alone than live with more porn again.