Andrea, 
I am so sorry you find yourself here and have been dealing with this for so long.  You do not deserve this.

Divorce is painful but the pain subsides -Its not easy to see that after 30+ years together. 
I don't believe you are forever broken but you are carrying a heavy load of conflicts that are taxing you more than you may see at the moment. 

I was 53 when my ex-wife came out - 6 months after our 25th anniversary (Pearl Harbor Day 2013).  The first few hours were a relief because I had root cause for our intimacy issues and realized I might actually have intimacy again before I died.   After that initial relief, the next 6 months were hell.  I decided to divorce within a month, it was the only path to an integrated life and an honest life for my children.  But it was hard, very hard, and frightening - it meant giving up an intact family and half the assets we accumulated in 30 years (through my livelihood) and some serious post-divorce financial support of her.  I couldn't even say the word divorce without a lump in my throat for the first 4 months because I, like you,  believed in lifelong marriage.   We separated bedrooms immediately, and she moved out in June 2014 when the kids got out of school for the summer. She dated immediately ( a 29 year old and was on a date Christmas Eve 2013) When we were living together in early 2014,  I literally could not stand to be near her - it made my head hurt and feel like it was in a vice (I can still remember the sensation).  

 I understand the difficulty of not disclosing the divorce, and covering,   I understand the pain of managing that conflict. understand the loneliness you feel by not disclosing.  Regarding covering for my ex (who I told what and when) I proceeded slowly, primarily to protect my children from bullying at school  (6 and 11 at the time).  Within months I told my friends, within a year, my brothers and sister, and finally as my children matured, my old neighbors.  She never told her mother (now deceased) for fear of losing her inheritance and I was mixed on keeping that secret, but I kept it.  Only after 5 years, did I realize this is my story to tell  not hers - I owe her nothing in covering for her.  She based our life on a lie, that is her responsibility not mine, and I owe it to my circle of friends and family to be honest with them.  I was pleasantly surprised when I did exhibit full disclosure  - those who were truly my friends were relieved and happy for me.  They commented -  we are happy for you, we couldn't believe how much you accommodated, you deserved better.  They saw the absence.  Perhaps your family and friends already know at some level.  Disclosure may be a relief to them and you.   

We cover for a host of reasons that can be pragmatic, but the conflict and absence of honesty is painful (it was physically painful for me.) I can't imagine having had a business with my ex or covering for her for years - you are not broken but carrying a heavy load.  

Regarding maintaining any kind of relationship, my ex still believes we should have some sort of friendship and I have to work to clarify that's not possible because she crosses too many boundaries in those attempts, and I can only view her as parenting partner.  I did love her and would have done almost anything to make her happy, but I did not have the right gender for her to love me back the way I (or any of us) truly deserve to be loved.   It was an unsolvable problem.  There is no shame in that reality.  

Regarding the pain of divorce, it will hurt, but there are other areas of life where we brace ourself for pain.  Shots, surgeries to correct an injury, etc. but we come out the other side with less pain if none it all.  You are changed, and perhaps injured, but you are NOT broken.  Using the surgery example, when I finalized my divorce I felt like I was amputating my left arm  but I emerged with my integrity.  You cannot put an emotional or financial price tag on that.  

Please take the advice of the others in this post and extract your life from his as quickly as possible with all the tactics suggested.  It is like a surgery - it takes preparation and tactics to take it apart, but it is doable, and you can heal on the other side.   There is much good life after this 'surgery'.  

I wish you well with the next steps...


 

Andrea,
    That feeling of loneliness will retreat.  It will come and go, and each time it goes it will stay away a little longer and when it comes it will be something you recognize, and knowing that it will go will ease the pain a little.  
   The fact is that this is hard.  Really hard.  It's especially hard to realize that our partners were never able to be the partner that would allow us to be a couple in the way that we so wanted to be.  
   I get that same feeling of wanting to cook for someone again.  Ask someone you know for dinner and cook for them.  I know this seems a stupid suggestion but cooking for someone you like, and sitting and eating with them, having a conversation, will actually make you feel better.