SS1979,
 I heard a useful reframing of the idea that you stay for your child(ren).  You don't STAY for them; you LEAVE for them.  To protect them, to provide them with a better role model than being someone who tolerates what is intolerable to you, to show them how to set self-protective boundaries.  And while you probably won't be able to prevent her father from seeing her, during the time she lives with you she is protected from being warped by his infatuation with himself as a woman, and of being used as a prop in his feminizing activities (in "Sex Changes" by Christine Benvenuto, she talks about how her husband co-opted their daughter in this way).  
   I also have to ask: why should you even consider this deal of accepting a husband who doesn't want to be a husband and getting sexual satisfaction from a man who wants to be a man outside of marriage, even though this isn't what you want and isn't your idea of marriage?  Kel has spoken beautifully recently of intimacy and marriage: it's what makes marriage unlike other social arrangements.  If you're still married to your husband, but not having sex with him, and getting it outside of marriage, then it's really not a marriage but some other arrangement masquerading as marriage.  
   People who tell you that what your husband is doing "is no big deal" and you "should be thankful" he's not getting surgery have no idea what they're talking about: hormones don't just change the body; they change temperament and personality.  Don't listen to these people. There are plenty of women who've been married to men like yours (and my ex) who know what they're talking about and have written about it.   Please visit  https://naefearty.wordpress.com/2014/07/22/gas-mark-six/  and read the comments.  It'll help you feel better.

 Here's a segment from her post:
       My sense of self, and my belief that I was entitled to set limits or boundaries was gradually eroded as the TRANS STUFF came to dominate and shape every corner of my life. I never knew where or when the next assault to my psyche was going to come, and so I existed for a long time in a state of hyper vigilance. That is, until such time as my ability to dissociate kicked in.I know from observing trans support groups that many of these men say, “My wife is fine with it – she just doesn’t want to talk about it or see it”.Many women are surviving through disassociation. Let’s not forget that a well-orchestrated and financed propaganda machine surrounds these men. It has the effect of silencing not just those of us who oppose on ideological principles, but all women who are within these relationships who question the idea that these men are ” women trapped inside men’s bodies “, or who’s lives have been ripped apart by these men.I know from bitter experience of reaching out, that the primary concern is for the welfare of the trans partner, who must never be questioned as the most oppressed creature to walk this planet.This is a double whammy to those women experiencing abuse, intensive gaslighting, and erasure of their right to name their reality and to set boundaries. There is no such thing as a line in the sand when it comes to trans desire. He gota have what he gotta have.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (April 9, 2019 8:09 am)