So sorry.. I can see how your tired ... living in separate bedrooms for at least 10 years. 

Do what needs to be done.  start taking small steps for yourself, talk to a lawyer, gather financial docs etc.
 From what you say he sounds like a heartless narcissist.   The stress and tiredness is your body telling you it can't go on.  Your gut and body are telling you whatever is in the future..be it living on the street..it may be better than how your being treated now.

PS:  Not all men are perverts and dishonest. This I assure you and declare. I have never lied to my now ex wife about anything ..especially anything physical that I would go to the doctor for.    She on the other had started on antidepressants right around the time she started cheating and wouldnt tell me why she was taking them,   

Sorry your here  but prayers and hugs on your journey out of the TGT/TG/CD closet.


 

Last edited by Rob (September 7, 2016 4:20 pm)

"..If you have to stay for some reason, do it on your own terms with dignity. "

Yeah  I stayed ...over a year in the same house as the narcissist I was divorcing.and then several months after we divorced.

I would not recommend it to my worst enemy.  But financially it was the only thing that made sense.  And I did get to see my kids every day albeit in a toxic household.   Sleeping downstairs and walking on eggshells hardly qualifies as dignity though.   My dignity was my terms that I would finish my obligations of the marriage that I vowed before God (even though she would not).     I would keep things as normal as possible for the kids to my own determent...knowing it was temporary and not forever.   I will say most days I could  not see the end but faith and folks here assured me there was an end to the hell.   It was season and not a lifetime. God would not want us to stay in an abusive marriage without dignity.

We all do what we need to. We all have different circumstances and different strength.   I say gather strength and plan now on living in dignity. We  all deserve basic human dignity.    This is not something that a spouse is supposed to take away.  

 

Last edited by Rob (September 7, 2016 8:50 pm)

Dear Tired. I feel for you and hope you can get away from him.  Have you read the article Retired&Lost posted on her thread about getting away from a narcissist?  My ex was a CDer, too.  This is not in anyway the harmless fetish of a normal person and it's not a gender identity disorder.  This is a sexual compulsion/paraphilia of a person with a personality disorder.  It is never too late to cut your losses. Sadly, as you said, he made it clear in the past "that he was going to do what he wanted to do and he didn't care how it made (you) feel".  He is obviously living up to that.

Sun wrote:

Dear Tired. I feel for you and hope you can get away from him.  Have you read the article Retired&Lost posted on her thread about getting away from a narcissist?  My ex was a CDer, too.  This is not in anyway the harmless fetish of a normal person and it's not a gender identity disorder.  This is a sexual compulsion/paraphilia of a person with a personality disorder.  It is never too late to cut your losses. Sadly, as you said, he made it clear in the past "that he was going to do what he wanted to do and he didn't care how it made (you) feel".  He is obviously living up to that.

You are SO right. It pisses me off & makes me sad all at the same time to see so much therapy out there that focuses on helping them BECOME their fantasy instead of digging deeper to see why! Beyond "feeling like a woman inside". It can't be that simple. How is it some men can stick to the odd pantie session, then others go full on obsessed with themselves & their fantasy. How is it any different than someone who identifies as a rabbit, or a baby or fucking pokemon?! All those others would be labeled personality disorder, but TG? Well, step right up & get your transitioning starter kit & book in your surgery!

What makes me laugh is that they are the complete OPPOSITE of what REAL woman look & act like. I don't know one single woman that talks all "Hey gurl, love the shoes! & that Dress! Simply gorg darling!" Seriously?! Nor do we wear 40 lbs of makeup, false eyelashes, a polka dot dress & high heels 24/7, hang out & take pictures of our pedicure, fishnets & heels, then post them on FB. They want to become their FANTASY of what a woman is, not a real woman. Hell, they'd spend a month as a real 30 y/o working woman with 3 kids, a husband, sick parents, no maid, no lawnboy & zero money in the budget for an exploding-at-the-seams wardrobe.....and they'd pack that fantasy up so fast & never look back! I want to slap my husband up the head when he spends 4-5 hrs getting ready & tries (unsuccessfully )to make a 6'4" frame look coy & flirtatious & all Southern Belle. No different than a 3 year old not wanting to retire his spiderman costume well after halloween, playing that shit out every chance he gets. 

The thing that stands out to me is that you see your husband's behavior as being reflective of who YOU are (to the kids, friends, family and public).  That's not the truth, hon.  He could go full out Caitlyn Jenner after you decide to leave, and his behaviors would be his OWN - NOT reflective on you in any way.  As a matter of fact, it's much easier to see his behavior as his own once you two are no longer living together in one union.  Right now you staying with him while he does these things is showing what you're willing to put up with.  But honestly, after you two separate, all his poor behavior just makes you look that much smarter for having left.  No one is saying that Caitlyn Jenner's actions are reflective on Kris Kardashian Jenner.  They understand more and more as time has revealed the depth of his sexual confusion and transition just how difficult it must have been for Kris until they separated.  The more glaring their behavior after you separate, the more people agree with you for having left that train wreck of a situation.  It's actually more difficult when they hide their entire gay / trans lives from the public, because although people have no right to judge you for leaving your own marriage, they cannot see what it was that made you leave what looked to be an ideal union from the outside.

Change is difficult.  But once you've decided to face the fear and look it in the eye and move forward anyway, it can be exciting to be the author of your own story vs. just a character in his.  You don't have to see the entire pathway to know the next step.  Just keep stepping and you'll eventually wind up somewhere else.

Best wishes to you -

Kel