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1 of 1- JenS
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Articles on Lies,Manipulations, and Distortions
Having followed SSN for 3-4 years now, I notice that straight spouses often write about the same issues - many of which are linked to narcissism and related concepts such as gaslighting and denial. This can be traumatizing for straight spouses. I find the attached article useful in terms of making sense of the underlying psychological processes that may, in part, account for why our spouses often make no sense, talk in lies and deny reality. Here is a quote from the linked article: "when an individual distorts an experience to the extent that they unconsciously split elements of the experience out of their conscious awareness in order to escape threats to their sense of self, they are utilizing a rather pathological defense mechanism called splitting. In essence, they are unconsciously altering reality to protect their ego, thus excusing themselves from accountability"
Last edited by JenS (March 29, 2019 6:48 am)
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Articles on Lies,Manipulations, and Distortions
Useful article! Thanks for posting it. "Splitting" looks like something that enables a gay-in-denial spouse, or one who has chosen to marry and maintain a seemingly heterosexual life, to maintain either their distorted view of reality ("I'm not gay, even though the evidence proves the contrary") or to excuse themselves for their deliberate deception of their spouses. Goes hand in hand with gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, and invalidating, all tools in the armory of the disordered personality.
Of course, we straight spouse can practice these on ourselves, too, especially in the early stages when we are desperate not to believe our spouses are not straight, or later, when we decide we can salvage our marriages or live in the distorted reality offered to us by our in denial, maniplating and/or stonewalling spouses.
- JenS
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Re: Articles on Lies,Manipulations, and Distortions
Thank you OOHC,
I appreciated you ringing in to acknowledge that some of this resonates with you, too.
We are fortunate in that our denial can be overcome by walking through this step by step. By contrast, they are "pathological" in many cases. This means that we can be healthy and use our cognitive powers to work our way out of the fog.
Your journey, and your writings about it here, have been inspirational as have the stories of others who have walked a similar path. Thank you.
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