OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- Mrs Beardsley
- Member
Offline 
GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Pretty sure i know the answers but do alot of you (that are still married) deal with the spouse's on going physical mental emotional spiritual problems?
I've been trying to reasearch the concept of suppressing one's homosexuality causing myriad health issues. It's GOT to. GIDH is currently in an "anger/depression " mode. I am sooooooo sick (ha ha) of it. I keep trying to help him, even now that I know the truth and even tho he is in strict denial. Spent most of this marriage walking on eggshells even before TGT. And even tho i know now it truly is not me - it's him, that doesn't stop the pain of dealing with his moods his pain his many many issues..
Anyway I'd really like to hear what others have dealt with in this regard.
I wish I had discovered his secret back a couple decades ago....I feel trapped now.
Thanks eveybody for letting me vent.
- Baffled
- Member
Offline
Re: GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Yep! I lived with the roller coaster of anger/depression/manic behaviors. They got worse over the years and the abuse left the realm of mental and emotional and crossed into the physical. By then he was running around with guys but still denying to me. They get real sneaky! The narcissistic/sociopathic personality is a master at using anger and depression to control you. Once I learned of their goal to get your pity so they can get away with their behavior I was able to begin extracting myself from my ex’s life. One of the things that I now clearly see if how the spouses of homosexuals are so clearly groomed to tolerate the abuse and defend the abuser. It’s a journey to get yourself healthy but you can get there!
- Mrs Beardsley
- Member
Offline
Re: GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Baffled, thanks for the input. It just keeps going on and on and on. I'm so sorry yours escalated to physical abuse! Decades of this crap is wearing me down so much I'm starting to slide into depression myself.
- •
Thread Starter- Leah
- Member
Offline
Re: GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Baffled is spot on there, Mrs Beardsley! Why are you so worried about his illness? Are you trying to be a caring and kind wife, errr beard? Don't. How are you? What do you want? A positive and loving partner? Then find another one, cause hun, this one is a bit of a dud. These people are energy vampires and staying through abuse and gaslighting is not kind or helpful to either of you. I was Mrs Faithful Devoted Wifelet. It was a recipe for being used endlessly to facilitate HIS lifes. Manipulation is hard to spot when you are so close to the source. So get some distance. Just leave him or the room when he is whining or sad or just being a downer. Life is short. Go do something that lights your fire.
Total responsibility - you have for YOU and he has for HIMSELF. He is not a child. You are not responsible for him. Marriage is a partnership not slavery. And in this scenario the ruse is to get you to feed him and his story of woe is me. Oh poor poor me.... I'm a sexually confused person. Yea, so. Lots of people are and they have to figure it out for THEMSELVES. He is responsible for his feelings and changing his life situation. As are you. Independently. Together is sometimes just too hard. Don't get pulled down. It is really not your problem anymore. You can just leave him to it. Start now to get some distance. To work towards independence. You can do a little each day on your own to help prepare you and strengthen yourself (physically is good!).
You can change your life. It is hard, but you get to choose how you will live this one precious life. Choose well. Good luck.
Been here, wrote about it here
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Beardly, as Leah said don't get dragged into depression...it is depressing but now is not the time to be depressed and weak. Seek help if you find you are crying and depressed each day...there is no shame in needing antidepressants to get through the ordeal. Know that it is not forever.
I had to learn to do everything myself again..I was so codependent. Now I am so much happier..I looked back and am not ashamed of my codependency but am so glad I found strength to get away. Now I would not allow people like my GX into my life..
Gather strength for yourself...know that yoi did nothing wrong.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Mrs Beardsley
- Member
Offline
Re: GIDH's constant depression or illnesses or anger
Hi Leah and Rob thank you. I do my best to get away from him, i find it theraputic to occasionally go out for a drive and with closed windows, scream at the loudest possible top of my lungs!! Aside from that I do have outside interests - classes, etc. Leah i so can relate to Mrs Faithful Devoted Wifelet! At least now I finally KNOW that these bouts of depression are NOT because of me. And thank you Rob for reminding me it's not forever. Bless you both
- •
Thread Starter