He is a gay spouse in a hetero-relationship. 

He is selfish because he knew he was not hetero but married you anyway without telling you this truth. 

 

Hi Bentwanderer,

I think it's more usual for the gay-in-denial, or closet gay husband to be discovered rather than volunteering he is gay.

i.e. your story is fitting the trend.  I've been divorced for some time now and he is still in the closet.  

How your husband can admit he posted a nude pic on a hook up site and not be prepared to say he's gay - it's amazing to me really but I have to concede this denial thing, they way they do it so well, it's very effective for most of the time.

Mine admitted to being bisexual for two weeks - he said it made him special, it meant he had a choice and it was none of my business.  (my jaw dropped at the last one)  He went all pink and girly talking about the men of his youth, and was quite petulant in the way he said he'd been quite a catch and he clearly felt resentment towards me as if I was at fault in him using me as a closet instead of him getting it on with the boys.

After two weeks, while I said whatever he was he wasn't straight and he should have told me, he told me point blank one morning that he'd changed his mind and he was 100% straight.  

I could not get divorced fast enough and have zero nostalgia for our time together, he is not a pretty picture in the rear view mirror, and he's continued to malign me to anyone he can, it is more than just protecting his closet, it's what he likes doing.

so wishing you all the best, hope yours is nicer than mine, all the best,  Lily



 

Last edited by lily (February 20, 2019 6:01 am)

Hi Bent, 

You are GAY!!!  Might be your reply.  A friend said to me this week, perhaps saying we are straight spouses is not really clear for listeners.  We should be saying we are "the not-gay spouse" which in my friend's mind made it clearer.  I thought that was a good point really.  

Estelle O - you are a wise one.  Getting the heck outta dodge.  It is tough.  
I'm still debating being bolder in sharing my blog post on Medium
https://medium.com/@plwsheffield/a-straight-spouse-coming-out-there-is-no-party-683bb97183d0 that tells my story as a straight spouse to any and all who happen to stumble there.  I've shared it with friends and my family, but so far have not gone further to share with my sons or my ex-in-laws as it feels transgressive somehow.  I'm going to keep blogging about my journey out as it still feels like I'm not quite out.  Mine too is 'bi' and said it was 'just a stage' and he's 'done with all that'  Sometimes I still want to put a private detective on his tail just to prove to myself I know he won't change.  Crazy ex-wife overcomes me at times, but I resist the urges for her to go all ape shit on his gay ass.  

Leah,

Keep writing.. your blog posts and posts here are well written and I/we can identify with every word.   I hope the words help you process TGT and I hope others find them and can find some solace, normalcy or strength from someone who has gone through this.

I stumbled on this post by yours;

https://psiloveyou.xyz/you-are-allowed-to-miss-them-but-you-still-must-let-them-go-8fca8ad45d45

And i think it makes sense... we all have to heal at our own rate and do whatever we need to do.  It took me a long time realize that I could be sad  ..its ok... but to start limiting the sad time and then do something..ie  call my family, text a friend, go to library..     And I'm ok.

A lot of  good people out there..   reading other's blogs helps us realize this..   so glad to be away from TGT

Last edited by Rob (February 20, 2019 1:57 pm)

Ellexoh, you made me giggle, which is something I needed very badly today.

"Cheating spouse" comes to mind, as opposed to "faithful and honest spouse."