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1 of 1- Sandydays
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Upset, hurt and lost in my fake life
Hi
First off thank you all for listening to me. Right now I feel alone.
So me and my partner have been together 15 years. We have children all under 13.
I have known for 8 years or so he was bi. Things have slowly come out over the years.
With trying to make out realationship work, he has been with other men occasionally.
So a couple of years ago he came out as gay to me and it was a weird thing where at first we separ
For a couple of weeks and then we got back together. We have a really strong friendship and relationship where we enjoy doing everything together. We are like best mates.
But being beat mates keeps me in a love loop. He still comes up and kisses me goodbye and still try’s to cuddle me. Yet like tonight re affirms here and there his gay. I know his talked to a gay on and off but he doesn’t want a relationship with him.. yet I always ask questions so apparently I make him feel weird about his sexuality and being gay because I ask questions and get jealous.
Basically I will say I want him to be happy and agree to him seeing guys but at the same time to be honest still being best friends and doing everything together I still love the guy and get feelings for him. We don’t do anything really sexual anymore but I get dilutional and pretty much still think we will be together forever and when it comes back around to him reaffirming my he isn’t complete with me and he feels lost himself in life and being gay.. it hits me like a brick wall and I realise I am living a fake life.. still pretending each day things are normal and trying to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me the way I love him. Even though he says he loves me it’s completely different.
I don’t know what to do because I like my fake life with my family but it makes him unhappy and me unhappy getting caught up in my own feelings.
I can’t be best friends because it keeps me having feelings for him. But really his the person I enjoy everything with so it sucks.
Also I do worry I’ll never experience having someone I click so well with in so many ways.
I also also hate so much about myself I don’t want to date but I’m scared to be alone.
- Mimi
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Re: Upset, hurt and lost in my fake life
Sandy days I feel for you as I’m in your situation. Thank you for posting. My husband says he is bi because I caught him. I know deep in my bones he is gay.
He gets to go play, how about you? The problem with opening the marriage is the person might fall in love and leave.
You are not alone. We’ve got you. I highly recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in gay/straight relationships.
Last edited by Mimi (March 2, 2019 11:14 pm)
- Sandydays
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Re: Upset, hurt and lost in my fake life
No one around here specialises in it. They give advice but still don’t know exactly what it’s like or how to react. I don’t know what to do because he gets Ina rut to where he is unhappy but doesn’t know what he wants really either. The moment I tried to have space give him space he becomes more clingy. The moment I get comfortable he’s more distant and wanting sex and to chat with men. I signed up to a dating site once and he was the one stalking me and asking questions. It’s really, really difficult to know what to do.. right now I don’t know why I stay in survival mode and live say by day in a fake world.
He still cuddles me and stuff but it makes me get more closer to him.
I’m really angry and hurt tonight knowing his in this rut and doesn’t know what to do in his life or what he wants.. I do work so hard on our life together not only for us but for the kids to. I don’t want to be alone but I hate moments like this that I realise I’m living a lie.
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Thread Starter- Sandydays
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Re: Upset, hurt and lost in my fake life
I do worry about opening things up. I don’t want to hurt him to or another person.
I hate my body so I don’t feel confident and it takes so much for me to connect with someone sexually.
I have always needed to really like the person or have a connection first. I haven’t been with anyone else sexually and after kids my body isn’t in shape. Boobs out of shape, stretch marks, saggy bits, and a fat butt. I just don’t love myself to be able to relax with anyone and feel comfortable.
Also as much as his said to me I can see others if I want or go on a date.. he’s always been jealous and weird. Like I said when I went on a dating site, he joined it, asked questions and I almost feel like I’m doing a wrong thing. So I got off it because it felt wrong. I feel like im cheating and yeh I worry about so much stuff. Kids, how our relationship would change. What if I fell for this person? What if this person fell for me and things got messy. If I did fall for someone I also wouldn’t want to get hurt again. Plus having. Kids it also makes things hard. I over think everything. I wish my husband did to sometimes. His penis is the brains of the operation.
Recently this gay guy he was talking to confronted my friend about my relationship with my husband and my husband was surprised. he doesn’t think his secret will get out or people don’t talk.
So he was pissed off like if ya guys should keep his secret to and not talk to anyone.
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Thread Starter- Beachcomber
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Re: Upset, hurt and lost in my fake life
Sandydays-- I understand how you feel, as I am also still living with my gay husband, but we are separated as we prepare our house for sale. I was devastated when he told me about TGT-- I had absolutely NO idea. I was glad he finally told me-- he can now be true to himself, But-- more importantly--- and it took me a while to realize this-- I get to be true to MYSELF, too. I had the epiphany just the other day--- I get to press the reset button on my life, too! Is is a scary thought? Absolutely! But, in a way, I'm so excited about it. I hope that eventually, you can see that too. You are an important person-- no matter looks, personality, etc. You don't deserve to be married to a gay man (as I don't, either) who won't give you the true love that we deserve. Chin up, girl, you can do this.