First of all, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your child. I can't imagine that heartache.

Now to your main question, in my opinion, straight men don't make profiles on Grindr. Not even for laughs. Not for two years.

Don't disbelieve your intuition. Since you confronted him it sounds to me that your spouse is in acting mode, pursuing you once more after which you will again be discarded once he thinks he has you no longer wondering about his sexuality.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but I can't offer fake sunshine. I believe you should also do some counseling - solo. As you say you also have a child to mourn on top of this issue of sexuality. Once again, sorry you find yourself here while dealing with the loss of your baby, but please let us know if we can help in any way. I'm sure others here also have sage advice to offer.
 

I see, also unfortunately a bit of a red flag. CL has factored in a number of personal stories here over the years. Also not something any 100% straight male I've ever met would waste time on. I believe you have good reasons for concern.

I know everyone is different but once a week at 39? Can't say I felt that way at the same age. Still don't and I'm in my 50's.
 

I just don't know what to do. We went to therapy last night and the counselor wanted to focus more on grief. I also picked a gay counselor hoping he would understand more of what is going on with my husband but he seems to have believed his reason for getting on grindr and messing around with guys to get a reaction out of them. BTW, I also found out he was on POF doing the same with girls. I got on his profile and it was hidden but looked like he messaged one girl back in May of this year but there was no response.

The therapist kinda said that since my husband is ADHD, he gets these impulses or addictions to things more than someone that doesn't have ADHD. And that when you throw in alcohol, it obviously makes things worse and he thinks that is how my husband was dealing with our grief, living in some kind of fantasy land that was never going to happen.

He swears he never met up with anyone and I believe him about that. He is home every night and we are together all weekend and it isn't like he is skipping work, my uncle is his boss, he wouldn't screw around at work. He comes home for lunch everyday and we have a ring doorbell so I see when he comes and goes.

Now the reason he was on there, I'm still don't think I believe him. I was able to contact someone on grindr that he talked to. Someone close to our place and he said he chatted with my husband. I asked if it was sexual in nature and he said not particulary, that he didn't know he was married. He said that after he told my husband he was able to meet up, my husband dropped the conversation.

His text messages back 2 years ago were the same. When the guy he was talking to said something about meeting up, the texts just stopped. There were no calls between them either. So honestly, I think he is curious or bi but hasn't had the balls to go out and actually meet up with someone.

I do know he likes women, he checks them out and he will get hard just touching my boobs. BUT I think he has an attraction to men obviously that he won't admit to me.

When I say we had sex once a week, that was this past summer after our loss and things were horrible. The past 3 months, we have been having sex on average 3 to 4 times a week with no issues. Now we were trying to have a baby and I know he really wants one but he initiated almost every single time and had no issues getting it up. This past summer he did and that is when I made him go to the doctor. His doctor gave him a prescription for Viagra but he never filled it and said he didn't want to and that everything would be fine. And before someone says he probably did fill it, the prescription receipt is still sitting on his dresser. I even told him to get it filled but he refused.

So I'm in limbo now and don't know what to do with all this information. I'm so angry he lied to me and went behind my back.

And I can't just leave easily. We bought a house in Feb. and it is under my name. So I can't just leave or kick him out because I would go bankrupt without his half of the mortgage. So I got a lot of thinking to do. And we are going back to the therapist next week. But for some reason, he wants to focus more on grief and said that is what we would talk about next week.

BTW, I did tell my mom because I needed someone to talk to. She said I need to forgive him and try and work things out because he is such a good guy, that he adores me and she knows we would have a good life together because we get along so well and have so much in common. Said she is mad that he hurt me but that we need to talk things out before I make and rash decisions and that everyone gets divorced at the drop of a hat these days. Soooo..... not so sure she helped me much.

Hopeless, your mother is a good and caring mother who is trying her best to advise you.  But.  She is way out of her league, and her advice is bad advice.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your pregnancy.  I have a similar chromosome issue in my family (22, not 18 but same idea).  

it doesn't sound to me like your therapist is on the same page as you, right now.  It may be true that you need to work through your grief over losing the baby -- that's not the only issue, and I think you need to trust your instincts right now.  Your instincts tell you there's something more under the surface here.  It may be true that your husband has not yet met up with any of these guys, but I think the bigger issue is whether he will be able to sustain his self-restraint for a lifetime marriage.  He's trying to conquer a bigger demon than he realizes.

Having a baby puts an enormous strain on even the healthiest of marriages, and notwithstanding your current age and situation I would stop and consider whether he is the rock of stability you're going to need if and when you become pregnant again.  

Hi 
Im very interested in how you found your husband on gridr.
sorry im not tecky
What is the process so i can see if my husband is on same site.