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1 - Mimi
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What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
My GIDH tells me that he’s just a little bisexual. I’m trying to wrap my head around this. First he said it’s just curiosity and now he admits to being bi but it’s just a little bit. So from a scale of 1 to 10 he’s 1. That’s supposed to make me feel better. He has been on CL ads and gay hookup sites only for men. But somehow he’s bi?
So he thinks since he’s married to a woman and has desire for men, that makes him bi. If that’s the case and he is bisexual, does that magically give them the right to cheat and act on their other side just because they are bi?If you are truly bisexual and you choose one sex over the other, that does not give you the right to act on the other side. Am I wrong?
Reading through posts from people who are in the same stage as me “the limbo”, I find it interesting to see how we all are waiting for them to admit they’re gay so we can leave. Why is that you think?
- phoenix
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
like being "a little pregnant"?
Actually, to be honest there are respected trains of thought that say that it is possible to be bisexual, and that there is a gradient or scale. Kinsey is one of these researchers who developed this scale. According to the theory, everyone exists on this scale at different points. (Even you and I). He actually says everyone has some level of bi-sexuality even if it's only 1%. But according to the theory there are people who have only a slight interest in same sex, while others might have a nearly equal interest in both.
Unfortunately, for most of us on this forum I think the interest of our spouses lies more-so to the same sex vs. hetero.
You can google "Kinsey Scale" to read more about it. I've read some of it and have read many conversations about it. I'm not sure exactly what I believe, but I think it's an interesting theory and likely has a lot of truth to it.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Mimi
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
Thank you Phoenix!
I agree with you and I know about the scale. I just read more about it to get more knowledge. Thank you.
I just think that even the 1% doesn’t give you a free pass to act on it. If you’re a bisexual and choose to be with a woman, it doesn’t give you the “right” to act on your other side since you’re not getting it at home. Even online!
As you mentioned, my husband as many others unfortunately for me lean more towards the homosexual side than the heterosexual. I’ve had a sexless marriage for years and now to find out my husband is bi.
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Thread Starter- phoenix
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
I agree completely. Even if they are 99% gay and 1% straight that doesn't give them a right to act on it. That's cheating and it's deplorable.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- lily
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
I don't see what was so respectable about Alfred Kinsey - a gay man who lived in the closet. He invented a whole scale where he is insisting straight people don't exist.
If it's all percentages, then why is there such a large percentage of us who experience we are at 0% on the Kinsey scale?
It seems to me Alfred Kinsey could not even begin to imagine what it's like to actually really be attracted to the opposite sex and left us off the scale altogether.
Some differences are soul deep.
Why do we wait for them to admit they're gay so we can leave? - I guess there's a whole complex of reasons that play into the timing of what we do but on a simple level I think the answer to that question is it's instinctive behaviour. It's like there's a book of hearts, and on the page of incompatible union there's a set of instructions for how to break up nicely. And that is what we are doing - waiting for them to take responsibility for the truth of themselves so we can proceed to the next step.
But they are not following our rules.
- Scrupulous
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
I agree lily..
From what I've read, Kinseys search and 'polls' were partial to those that had homosexual tendencies or actions..
> Prisoners with a need that had nothing to do with an orientation but 'hey I've reached the bottom..what worse can I do attitude?!" was a big portion of his research. I think it's callled 'situational homosexuality.
> Bi-sexual people where also a big portion of the poll.
> True closet cases that were struggling with their own reality were summoned and favored for his research to come to a decision that gained him more fame than he deserved.
Reality is that most people that aren't even thinking in those terms aren't going to bother to react to a poll or research that doesn't pertain to them..
I'm straight. Why think or willingly put an image or thought in my head that could lead me otherwise?
I'm happy and content with the straight path I'm on. I don't give a shit if others think I'm old fashion, outdated or 'frigid'. When the right straight man comes along...(or if lol), his boat will be rocked and I'll still be able to stick to my morals and values.
I'll slide my glass and clink to those on the straight path. It's a beautiful thing!
By the way..Pheonix, your name says it all and congrats my friend! I'm soooooo very happy for you. ;}
Life is like phases of the moon.... We really only see it when it's beautiful, full and in our face.
- lily
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
Yes, congrats Phoenix, I am glad things are going so well for you now.
and thanks Scrupulous - particularly for saying the straight path is a beautiful thing, that is how I see it too.
- Violated
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
"A little bisexual" translates to closeted gay.
- Mimi
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
I too like Phoenix believe that Bisexuality exists. I personally have bisexual friends. A female friend who is married to a wonderful guy and she’s bisexual. But he had known from the beginning and she’s always been faithful to him.
BUT...when midway in your sexless marriage you catch your husband with years of Craigslist activities with men, he declares that he’s bisexual and to make you feel better promises you that it’s only a little....
I have a problem with that. I don’t believe it for a second. Why wouldn’t you tell me from the beginning then? Knowing how open minded I am about it.
The one thing you need to trust more than anything is your gut. Even if I believe that he truly is bisexual, I can’t live the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to fall. I’m not a man and can never fulfill him. So it’s just a matter of time.
What am I waiting for? Like someone here said beautifuly, I guess I’m trying to leave nicely. Waiting for a real good proof. As if my own unhappiness is not a good enough reason.
I think all of us in the “Limbo” phase, need a SPARK to leave more than a proof from our GIDS. Whatever that is for you. I don’t want to leave because I’m sad. I want to leave because I’m still breathing and I have been given ONE LIFE to live. I want to live it.
Last edited by Mimi (February 6, 2019 10:50 am)
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Thread Starter- ThisSeason
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Re: What does “A little Bisexual even mean”?
if someone were completely honest in diagnosing themselves "a little bisexual" then that would not be strong enough to cause them to even remotely consider destroying a long-term, successful relationship.
I think it would be logical to assume that someone who wants to have homosexual sex or relationships to the point where they are bringing it up to their straight spouse is someone who is feeling more certain than not that they want to do that.
We don't tell our spouses every little thought and impulse we have. For example, if I thought about putting tens of thousands of dollars down on roulette to see if I can make some quick $$$ at the risk of our family finances, would I tell my spouse? If I was never really serious about it, maybe I only had an impulsive thought in my brain that I would have only seriously considered doing 2 or 3 percent, but 97% of me knew I wouldn't do it, then I would not tell my spouse. Maybe if felt 50% sure I was going to do it, then I would bring it up to my spouse because there's a real likelihood of it happening.