Lonely heart

Sorry you found yourself here. I should say that I wish my husband would also come out and confess/confirm that he's gay. I found out myself through emails and computer history but he denies completely and tells me it was all just a curiosity and he's only a little bisexual. As everyone above has already mentioned, take time to digest what's happening. You will go through stages, of anger, sadness, disbelief and grief. Let yourself feel and go through all these emotions. I can promise you one thing, it does get better by time but do start detaching and decoupling so it gets easier for you.

Hello lhc and everybody else. Thanks for sharing your story and pain, and know that we all understand it quite well, because though each story and couple is different, we can relate to so many bits and pieces.
The things that are helping me to accept that my partner of 7 years is gay, he came out very recently as well, are space and finding my own pace to process things. In this type of situations we are forced to face scenarios that we don’t need, want or make sense to us, and we break our heads trying to understand and  find solutions while being terrified of losing a partner that we still deeply love. The fact is our partner, as we thought him/her to be, is already gone, I am mourning that lost. Mine is gay, and I will never be able to change that, so I need to accept it and move on. They have suggested some really valuable things here: not rushing to decisions, focusing on your self, and I would add taking care of your soul. A psicologist, people that love you and have your back, focusing on the things you love doing and any other aspect of your life that defines you ,and is not necessarily related to your marriage, will help you to simply be you, and gain perspective. Connecting with those things is so important, because you were just shaken so hard that life seems upside down and inside out.
My approach is to try to not revision my marriage, our past together, revisionism can be dangerous and not very constructive, and above everything it can be very painful! It is very human and a normal stage to question the past, but you do not need more pain! I often go to books to find wisdom, I am reading “care of the soul” by Thomas Moore and it is helping.

Thank you, Estella! Embracing that listening, the good vibes and thoughts!

I'm so sorry LonelyHC it is so tough.  If he is clear, then that is a blessing.  If he has been totally honest, then that is a blessing.  But be honest with your devastation and yes, that is disloyalty at best ALWAYS thinking of someone else during lovemaking.... ugh.  What a terrible admission....   You must question everything.  that is the real crazy of this as usually THEY know a lot more than we do for a lot longer....and turning to that person for the answers is often not really going to give you anything but more pain.  I'm so sorry....it just is so hard.  

Arrggh, I read some of these and feel that bind that we all get caught in...my best friend... every time I read that I just want to scream.   Nooooo not your best friend.  He is now leaving you.  Don't for a second think that this is going to be anything other than the road to separate lives.  Embrace that reality.  I guess I get upset because I was slow to do this.  Mostly because my GIDX did not do me the courtesy of actually admitting to his betrayals with men.  But we are so conditioned to look at this from that "oh aren't they brave to come out!"  Not "oh isn't that pretty odd that he didn't know what most people think is an innate urge that he would have been aware of probably much before he married and had a child with you!!!"  That is the real stupidity here, these people slurp up the whole load of sympathy that comes their way, and leave their spouses reeling in shock and hurt!!!   No more sympathy for the devil in my book.    I think getting angry is your first step in healing.  Then you can be understanding later once you propel yourself out of the situation and get some distance.... just my two cents....