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1 of 1- Piper55
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Still in closet
I haven't posted in a while. After separating a year or so ago, I thought my GID ex would come out. He still maintains he is straight and that if he were gay, he'd be proud of it.
To recap, here are the signs I did find/feel:
1. No passion during sex and his eyes closed from the minute I disrobed. I am fit and attractive, but he didn't open his eyes during foreplay or intercourse.
2. Lack of passion during sex. Very distant afterward,
3. Doesn't initiate and if he does, it seems as if he's doing me a favor....like cleaning the kitchen floor or something.
4. MY gut always screamed at me that he was gay. I was married for 17 years to a man before him, who was extremely visual and into me sexually and with what I thought was a healthy and normal hetero passion
5. He's from a small town and has a high profile job. His best friend is gay. But that friend has a partner.
6. He is obsessed with the gym and cycling. Loves sports and athletic prowess. Hates fat on men and women.
7. Loves sappy Romantic comedies and all the Hallmark Christmas movies. Loves voice shows and musicals. Saw Rent on Broadway and is a great fan of Jesus Christ Superstar. Loved the show Glee.
8. Never ever looks at other women sexually IMO. But I've seen him glancing at guys.
9. Admitted he didn't find vulvas particularly attractive. Maybe that's why he kept his eyes closed.
10. Is very kind and affectionate with little hugs and dry kisses.
11. Is patient and kind.
12. If I got out of the shower dripping wet naked or change clothes, he averted his eyes.
13. Had extreme exercise-based "exerexia"
14. Held off to have sex with his first wife until their wedding night. She left him 18 years later for another man.
My issue is, I'm wondering if I left a wonderful man, just because I was "paranoid" and listening to my SCREECHING gut telling me he was in denial and gay. Why did I always feel this husband was gay, and not my first husband or any boyfriends from my past? Thanks so much for reading this, and bless you all on your journeys.
Last edited by Piper55 (January 3, 2019 12:20 pm)
- Daryl
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Re: Still in closet
Some people never leave the closet, even when confronted with rock solid proof.
Were you happy or did you feel something was missing?
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- SarahCleary
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Re: Still in closet
Hi Piper,
Thank you for posting this! <3
I really feel with you. I am just about to tell my partner, very soon, that I would like to end our formal tie. I already told him that I stopped wearing my ring because I don't think the love I feel for him is enough for marriage and that I don't know exactly what kind of love I feel for him. He has deflected my every attempt to talk about his sexual orientation, ever since we met, so... I don't have another avenue, I guess... than to speak like this to him, in 'mysterious' ways. I would just love to tell him: ''Honey, you are gay and I'm ready to support you and please, take this ring back.''
I just can't be with him any longer as a 'lover' when there are so many little things telling me that he's a closet gay and those things made me lose almost all (98%) of my attraction towards him, as a woman to a man. By now... even if I think, e.g. what great arm muscles he has ;-) - I wish they were on another man's arm... you know.
If I would have to name my biggest reason for refusing him as a partner now, I would say INTUITION, and all the other things would come after. Like many of the things you mention here stand for my Chris as well (not his real name, of course).
Especially the glances at other men part!
He also very much like to watch regency era movies with me (like Pride and Prejudice, aka men in tights) and he shakes it to Bee Gees with singing alone in a high pitched tone as soon as the song comes up :-)
I still think he's very cute but I don't want to even dry kiss him on the lips any more longer than a second.
I am now in love with another, heterosexual man on a platonic base and I'm enjoying that feeling a lot!! I feel like a woman, again...
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Still in closet
SarahCleary wrote:
.......I am now in love with another, heterosexual man on a platonic base and I'm enjoying that feeling a lot!! I feel like a woman, again...
So you're keeping secrets from the person who's been keeping secrets from you?
KIA KAHA
- flowerpower
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Re: Still in closet
Hi all....gosh....this is going to be hard, but I am just going to spill it...
Here are the reasons I suspect my soon to be ex may be gay or at least bi.
I am ex w #3. Early 50's. two 10 year marriages, 1 5 year. Both wives had affairs.
As soon as we married, he told me he had a fantasy tht I was giving oral to another man. The he would ji in, (Only on me, supposedly)
He has a preference of analingus than what us women prefer. He would rarely please me and would constantly go for the back side.
We tried a strap on twice.
Most important, I believe, he could never orgasm from sex. He had to close his eyes and finish himself off. ALMOST EVERY TIME. I once asked him that my goal was for us to both have orgasms during sex.
He never would take me on dates, and is a fitness fanatic. He's on an app that he loves all the kudos from other men on how much of a stud he is.
I had sexy boudoir photos made for our anniversary and I hardly got a notice. That was only 3 years in.
He doesnt speak or share his feelings at all. Never has. Never cared about where I was, even as newlyweds. Last time he tried to touch me, it was an immediate grab into my buttcrack. That was not doing it for me and now we are divorcing.
10 years of feeling unattractive has taken its toll and my self esteem is in the toilet.
Sorry for the rant.
Thoughts? TMI?
- Jaybird
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Re: Still in closet
Flower power,
So glad you posted, even though it’s hard.
That all sounds horrible for you. Feeling loved and appreciated is a fundamental component for anyone in a healthy relationship. You clearly don’t have this in your marriage. This just may be how he is, nothing specific to you. I suspect it is why his previous wifes had affairs.
In reading your story I’m left with the feeling that you have found strength to finally stand up for yourself and know that you deserve more than what he’s giving. You should start your own thread and keep us as a resource as you move forward.
Do you have friends or family you can confide in? It’s time to start taking care of yourself and building back your strength and confidence. It’s a long difficult process when so much of your self esteem is tied to your spouse, but it sounds like you’ve made the first step in deciding that you need to separate. Good job.
Last edited by Jaybird (January 5, 2019 3:50 pm)
- flowerpower
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Re: Still in closet
Thank you for your support. I just wish I knew!!! I saw a post about a member making a Grindr profile. Im afraid to know, and now, does it even matter!?!