The end began with an anonymous note informing me that “my husband was not an honorable man, my health was at risk and that all could be verified by reading his texts”.  I thought it was a bad joke or meant for someone else and went to show him.  I passed his phone, something I had never touched, on a table.  I read through his texts the stunning story of group sex and intimate relationships with at least 6 men.  I shook violently, I vomited, I cried and I went to talk with him.  He denied all.  As I curled up in a fetal position on the bed, he walked away.   

Our background is that for 18+ years, I thought he had been suffering from frequent periods of depression so I got used to and put up with his distance, dismissiveness and often contempt.  I prayed constantly that each new appointment or medication would be the one and he would see the joy I got from our family.  In retrospect, men who love their wives look at them talk to them and touch them.  He had recently asked what I wanted from my birthday and a “daily hug” was at the top of my list.  He couldn’t even do that and I’m a fool.   

In the days following his denial, he suddenly wanted to “salvage” our marriage.  Therapy sessions began in which he revealed details proving to me that I would never be able to trust him again and that I needed to get out quickly.  Among those details, is that he confirmed that he would still be having sex with strangers from Craigslist on his lunch hour if I had not found out.  He wants me to be his secret-keeper and tells family and friends we “drifted apart”. 

I am stunned by his selfishness and equally stunned by my naivete.  He spent all waking hours at home on his phone, along with most of the other “signs” on your website list.  I had never used our phone usage app before, but once I did, it showed he was texting between 800-1500 times monthly for the last three years (which is all I have records for) often when I was in the room with him.  The usage records also indicate there were entire work days that he was sending or receiving texts every 2-3 minutes.    

I stopped wearing my wedding ring on the day I was tested for STD's.  It was humiliating.  My NP and her nurse held my hand and cried with me. I am positive for Herpes Simplex 2.

My financial security, physical health, and emotional stability have suffered greatly.  However, I serve an awesome God, whose presence I feel, and who is the only reason I get through some days.   I wish I had been enough.  

Last edited by jeanne (September 1, 2016 3:24 pm)