I know that someday I may find love again. But it is nearly impossible for me to see that future right now. Many posts say that ending physical contact is the best way forward. Even my wife thinks that being close to her in bed is not good for me. She will say that she wants to sleep on the couch, but I say I am not ready for that yet. Maybe it’s a mistake, but it is ow I feel I need to proceed at the moment. I am making small changes in my behavior towards her, like not saying I love you. I have to think not to say it because I still feel it. I don’t text her as often. We work together, so I try not to see her if at all possible. The biggest step is saying that she should stay overnight at a friends house once a week so we have some time apart.

These are all little steps, but they seem enormous to me. I have let a couple more people that I can trust in to what I am going through. They offered my support in whatever I need. They are just as stunned as I was, we were the perfect couple they thought. I am so thankful for the support from this group. The advise and perspective is invaluable, even though it is difficult for me to accept a lot of it at this time. I just need to convince my self to do what I know needs to be done. In time I will.

I totally feel what you’re going through. We have separated our rooms now (I asked). But some nights I get panic attacks waking up to see I’m alone in bed. Then I crawl into his bed. Just to be next to him. A part of it is because I know it’s the last few times I can be next to him cuddled up. My situation is different from yours Zoso as he’s in denial and tells me that it’s all just out of curiosity and he’s only a little bisexual. I wish he would’ve come out of his denial when I confronted him. Instead of keeping me in this limbo. Would’ve made it a lot easier for both of us. I know he’s gay and I love to help him through his journey of coming out but he want to take us both back in closet.
I do sometimes wake up and tell myself, what if I forget all of this and we go back to our normal lives? He does insist that he’s not gay and wants to stay with me. So what if I just accept and go back?? But then I think my 50 year old self (in 10 years+) won’t forgive me. I’ll blame myself in future for not leaving when I knew and had a chance to rebuild my life.
We only get ONE life. Remember.

Hi Zosa and all,
Zosa - hope you are doing better and I know it’s ups and mostly downs. The advice here is priceless. I can’t write a lot, on my phone and putting “pen” to “paper” isn’t my forte, but wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts.

My share, it’s been really tough when all is great now that he’s out. He’s a more gentle person to live with. I have refrained from “i love you” when he hugs me. And today when he ran into a roadblock when we were looking at shirts to buy, the website wasn’t working, a call needed to be placed, his expectation was for me to do the order like I ALWAYS did and I emphatically said “ordering your shirts is not my responsibility!” At the same time, listening to him order them made me a little sad. Idk, it’s just a really confusing time.

Something that I am noticing is it's hard to know what to say and when to keep my thoughts private. My spouse and I are still talking, coparenting, and in general being decent to each other. Sometimes something that I thought was harmless will spark an argument or at least turn the conversation cold and tense.