Hello outofhiscloset, and thanks for reaching out. I did not know about autogynephilia at all, I have started reading about it, though if I am honest I am even more confused! My partner says they are non binary, and homosexual, but if they could chose they would have been born in a female body. That is all I know for know, I question if they are familiar with the term themselves. It is so interesting what you are saying about the timeline of having my daughter, it definitely felt precipitated by it to me. They were about to start hormone replacement therapy but didn’t. I will read about it more, hopefully it is easier to understand. I am also so stressed and spent that it feels like my ram can’t process much more!

Thanks again

Thank you, Phoenix! I hope the same.
Have a happy holiday if you celebrate it.

Hello Duped,

Thanks for your honesty, opinion and sharing what happened to you. You are right, he is gay, and I realize how important is for me to read it, to not forget it or deny it.

When I was pregnant and gave birth I felt almost like she was competing, she felt like a mom and casted a shadow on my bond with my daughter. Nothing wrong with two moms! That wasn’t the problem, But I felt she constantly diminished the specifics of being the biological mom. I was so high on my own hormones, healing, and with postpartum anxiety that I thought it was all in my head. I almost felt that I wasn’t being open enough or generous enough, as if I wanted to be the protagonist of the story and was not letting room for her. It took me a while to realized it was the other way around: I was not allowed to heal, to enjoy  the truly existing special bond between the biological mom and the baby. It was such a hard time for me, I just could not understand her need to start talking about  hrt and surgery right then, why couldn’t she wait a little. A newborn seemed soooooo much to take care of already.
I thought maybe  it was because she wanted her daughter to meet her as her true self, but now with perspective it looks more complex and different.

Another thing I am experiencing now is their tendency to portray themselves as a victim, or my victim, when I had 0 responsibility in presenting any of these radical changes of life scenario. Now it almost feels again that I am not cool enough to want to figure out a solution to they being gay. They just wanted to be honest and work something out, except the only thing I was told is: I am sorry, I don’t know what else to tell you. I know highly repressed people are almost without exception the victims of other people’s belief  systems, rules, and it goes as far as fearing for their lifes and safety.

I am trying to be empathetic and come from a place of love and respect, I even embrace the pain, but I am soooo tired of suffering.

Yes, outofhiscloset, I don’t know what I would do without them right now! I have my own, and we have the couple’s one. You are so right, professional help is so important.