Mimi wrote:

Update to my situation, we're going to our first couple's therapy session tomorrow. He wants us to work on our marriage and looks at it as an issue to be solved. By both of us! still tells me that it was all just curiosity (gay hookup sites, personal ads, emails) and nothing has happened and nothing will ever happen.

Any advice on what to address or ask during therapy?

When the counselor asks you why you are there, state it very simply. "He is gay but says he is not." My GIDH booked us for counseling thinking she'd make me realize that he isn't gay and that all his "curiosity" was normal for a married, straight man. Instead, she asked why I think he's gay. So I put it all out there, MTM hookup site, confessed to having sex with a man in his 20's, experimented as a teen, I heard him having a sex dream with a man, etc. Once she heard all that, she said "I think the best thing I can do here is help you both end this peacefully." She never came right out and told him "you are gay dude" and I wish she would have but she probably felt that wasn't her place since she wasn't his personal counselor. He has refused to go back to her. But, it was just the thing to spur me to tell him that I plan to move out once the holidays are over. I have told him I think he should go to individual counseling..it might help him accept who he is and he could end up being a much happier person. He says he doesn't need it because he's not really gay. Whatever...I'm still moving out.

I wish you good luck!!!!! Let us know how it goes!!!

 

Mimi wrote:

Jkc

 I’m unhappy and done with being unsatisfied and unhappy and being blamed for it!

Good for you!!!! I feel the same. I see other couples behaving in fun, loving ways and I want that in my life. I don't have it now and if I stay, I'll never have it. So I'm leaving him. I wish it didn't involve hurting my kids but I think it's better for them to see what a normal relationship looks like and not this phony thing their parents are doing right now.
 

We went to our first couples therapy session yesterday. He had seen this therapist alone for a few sessions before we went in together. She addressed him as bisexual and he didn’t deny and kind of actually admitted he was bi. I was just sitting there thinking well...so it wasn’t all just a “curiosity” then!!
I think he thinks since he loved and married me, and is also attracted to men, then he’s not gay he’s bi. And I have to somehow be ok with this now. I think, when you don’t have sex with your wife but you’re pretty active on gay hookup sites, that’s not bisexual to me. Am I wrong? Any thoughts?
He told the therapist if we weren’t so distant and I was more affectionate as a wife, he wouldn’t be so curious  on these hookup apps. The therapist then asked him if any of these hookup sites or email exchanges were with women then. He said “no just men”. She and I looked at each other and I got my answer.

I agree with you StrongerthanIknow. Thank you. It’s a series of mind games they like to play so you’re constantly looking for answers and ways to “fix” the marriage.