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1 of 1- Bob
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As of today - I am divorced!
Hello everyone
I am pleased to let you all know that the final paperwork for my divorce has now been approved, and I am officially divorced!
I am so relieved - until everything was finished I was cautious just in case things went wrong or the judge didn't approve etc etc. Until I knew everything had been agreed, I've been careful about what I've put on here, on Facebook and so on just in case my ex-wife came across it and reacted badly to it.
I must say, I have no reason to believe she would have done so - the last time we spoke she said she never wanted to see me again and that's fair enough. I still think however I was right to be cautious (much to my new girlfriend's irritation, although she respected my decision).
Today though, I have no need for caution. The judge has approved everything, and although I'm poorer my life is now my own and mine alone.
Overall, the feeling I have is relief at the legal stuff being sorted. In terms of moving on from the relationship, although I have scars I feel I 'moved on' some time ago now as I built my new life.
In all the process took 10 months for me. No kids involved, just splitting the assets - I get the house etc, she gets cash to move onto her new life.
Funnily enough, now I wish her well in her new life. At the end our relationship had become unhealthy, codependent and neither of us were happy. I am much, much happier now than I've ever been as an adult, and from what I've heard from mutual friends she is also happier, healthier and more comfortable with who she is.
The end of the relationship was probably the hardest and most painful thing I ever went through, but now I recognise how necessary it all was, and how I was living a half life. At Now I have a wonderful new woman in my life who is absolutely terrific, a vibrant and busy social life with an excellent group of friends, and strong relationships with my family.
The main thing I complain about now is that I'm too busy! This is completely different to the live I lived just a year ago, when I used to be at home every night, same old same old.
Anyway that's enough rambling for now. I will continue to post here with any support I can give people who are starting this journey. I can promise you, it does get better and before you know it you won't recognise yourself.
- Rob
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Re: As of today - I am divorced!
Bob... so glad for you,, 10 months out and you have a normal woman already.
If i could ask...how did you learn to trust again?. My lezex hurt me so much..not just the betrayal, lying and being gay but the pure cruelty as we divorced. We have to share kids now and she sometimes texts
me nasty things..just to continue the hurt.
I dont know if I can ever trust again...except for the woman on the forum here to me all woman are gay, secretly hate men and will only hurt me. Not a good way to go through life.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Dee
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Re: As of today - I am divorced!
Congratulations Bob! I remember the beginning of your journey, so happy for you. The day mine was final I remember feeling exactly the same way, just relieved. I'm with Rob, can't imagine there are honest, normal guys out there, but am definitely stronger and wiser. All the best!
- WendiT
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Re: As of today - I am divorced!
Bob,
So happy for you. I was wondering what had happened to you. My lawyers too suggested no posting etc during the divorce so I figured you were involved in the process. Thank you for sharing the good news! It is always good to hear others confirm that there is life after D Day. Best wishes!
"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."
- Lake Breezer
- Unregistered
Re: As of today - I am divorced!
Good for you, Bob. Wishing you all the best as you move forward - sounds like you already have. I too had noted your absence, but thought that maybe you had just moved on. I do remember a post though, that you made saying your were going to be quiet for awhile. So glad that you have made it over such a big hurdle.
- Bob
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Re: As of today - I am divorced!
Rob, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. I do hope things are improving for you.
I've been very lucky. There was no lying in my break-up, and we parted on good terms. We didn't have any kids, so we've been able to have a clean split and go our separate ways - we have no reason to contact each other, and so we don't. From our last conversation I got the feeling that she did blame me for some things, but that doesn't bother me - if that helps her get on with her life, so be it. She has no say over me or how I live my life and as such how she is living hers is none of my business.
In terms of trust, I have always believed in the goodness of people. After my ex and I split, I really put myself out there - I opened up to my closest friends and family, and I trusted in them. I surrounded myself with (in my opinion) the best people in the world, which restored any doubts I had about people in general.
In terms of worrying about new partners being gay - I can totally understand this one. In the immediate aftermath, I was really worried about this. Having met someone new however, I overcame this by simply talking with her about it. She was a friend before so knew the story, and we talked about it. Through knowing her, talking about her past and how she lives her life, I know she has no interest in that direction, and in fact it's pretty obvious. This probably won't be that comforting, but what we've been through is very unusual. It's not unknown, but the vast majority of people are straight and don't have any inclination toward the same sex. I would also say, if you're starting a new relationship and you have some concerns, the thing to do is to talk about it. I remember talking to my GF about this, and she laughed at me, and reassured me immediately that she has no interest in women at all.
I don't know if this helps, but I hope so. I'll happily answer any other questions you may have.
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