OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
This forum is hosted for free by Boardhost. Create your own free forum!
1 of 1- Violated
- Member
Offline 
It is Diabolical Love
My anger and pain has forced me to see the truth. My GIDH tells me how much he loves me, and I kept asking myself , What kind of love is it? Is it a brother/sister love? Is it a buddy type love? Who can do this to another human being? What kind of person takes advantage of a human being this cruel and deceptive way? It took me 44 years before I discovered TGT. And he has gaslighted me, and continues to lie and lie and lie. I do believe he is delusional.
He has no empathy at all for me, it is all about him. This man who I thought was always generous and kind, is a fraud. The man I thought he was doesn't exist. I had some compassion for him, I believe he is a tortured soul and that he didn't intend to hurt me..........but then he said it......."If we divorce, I'll date women, and if she wants to wear a strap on that's ok, I'll probably remarry." I was in shock, I walked away, I couldn't say another word. OMG, he intends to do this to another woman!
For now, I have to be smart, our divorce is final January 10, and he is being fair, basically gave me what I asked for (I think he thinks I am the keeper of his secret)......so I am playing my cards right, I am biting my tongue, he mopes around, self loathing, crying, tells me he loves me.
But after January 10, I am ready to explode, I intend to tell him, under no circumstances does he bring his next Woman, his next "victim" near me, near my children or my grandchildren or I will tell her, I have the proof. She may not even believe me, But I intend on speaking the truth.
Onward.......
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: It is Diabolical Love
An accurate description.
It's not pure selfless love. It took me a long time to realize that. It's like getting hit by a bus to realize they did not love us as strongly or purely...that they could hurt us at a inhumane level and think it's ok and moral.
My GX could say I love you to my face and then, checking her phone, see she was calling me an a#hole in the same breath.
I think that is the difference between us and them.
Walk on.. Jan10...pomp and circumstance..no need to explode..walk on..head held high..face in the wind...away from the diabolical hurt.
Last edited by Rob (December 15, 2018 6:13 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
Offline
Re: It is Diabolical Love
Violated,
My ex, also, was mostly "reasonable," in that he agreed to my modifications to his initial proposal of how we should split our marital assets. He didn't always do so with good grace, but he agreed, and I think one major reason he did is that he felt he was buying my silence to protect his closet. I am bound by a workplace policy that protects him (federal law), but a few of my friends at work do know the real reason for our split. For the rest, I tell who I want, although I try to be mindful of how secrets travel. I have already decided, however, that if he becomes involved with another woman, she will know. I have photographic evidence, and I will use it. He's not getting another chance to drag another woman into his closet or deceiving one, because as you say, she would also be his victim.
- Scrupulous
- Member
Offline
Re: It is Diabolical Love
It's not the love of the person but the love of the 'idea' or 'ideal' life you or the next victim supplies for them to hide in the closet.
They love the 'idea' of the ideal marriage, wife, children, and all that comes with it. It's a persona of an alternate self they created where the true love is....'A love of self' and selfish desires yet receiving the benefits of that alternate life even though it damages the ones they used to get it.
This is Diabolical.
Life is like phases of the moon.... We really only see it when it's beautiful, full and in our face.
- walkbymyself
- Member
Offline
Re: It is Diabolical Love
I realized that my husband really didn't have the same concept of "love" that I have. Like the way I feel about my daughter (and up to a point, about him) was that when they are cut, I bleed.
I don't think he has that feeling for me. I don't think he suffers when he sees me suffer. I do think he wants to stay together -- and who wouldn't? He's had all the advantages of being married PLUS all the advantages of being single. He stuck me with all the disadvantages of being married, PLUS all the disadvantages of being single. Of course it's a pretty good deal for him.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.