OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
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1 of 1- jb455263
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no options....
From what I've been reading in the past 48 hours since I found out my husband of 16 years is bisexual (and been acting on it for last 2 years) is that while open marriages may work for some, that's really the only way a minority of couples have stayed together.
Since that isn't an option for me, I'm trying to eradicate the last 10% of denial I have that there is any way to stay together. That his professed love and desire to stay married and keep the family together are just promises he can't keep since a non-mongamous union is out of the question for me.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: no options....
jb455263 wrote:
From what I've been reading in the past 48 hours since I found out my husband of 16 years is bisexual (and been acting on it for last 2 years) is that while open marriages may work for some, that's really the only way a minority of couples have stayed together.
Since that isn't an option for me, I'm trying to eradicate the last 10% of denial I have that there is any way to stay together. That his professed love and desire to stay married and keep the family together are just promises he can't keep since a non-mongamous union is out of the question for me.
It's a tough, wretched place to be in. The fact he's "acting on it" must be the last straw. You have my sympathy and my best wishes for your journey from here. Good luck
KIA KAHA
- phoenix
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Re: no options....
Mixed orientation marriages are a challenge but can be successful. You are right that they are the minority, but we still need to recognize and support those who are trying to maintain.
I think that in order to maintain there needs to be open communication and agreement about expectations. Some people are ok with their spouse seeking physical intimacy outside of their marriage. Most are not. If you are not, then your spouse needs to agree to those terms. If they will not agree, or if they are dishonest and say they will, but then cheat anyway, then clearly the marriage will not work. There also needs to be agreement about intimacy between each other. Are both parties ok with zero physical contact? Is the straight spouse in need of some and will the lgbt spouse be willing to offer it even though they don't enjoy it? Can the two parties maintain open communication about how they are feeling? Are they willing to allow porn in the household? Is there trust between the two parties?
Sadly, most couples won't even begin to honestly pursue these conversations (negotiations) because the LGBT spouse is not capable of being honest and transparent. They will lie about being gay, lie about cheating, etc.. They will love bomb the spouse to try to make them forget and believe they are ok. They will hope to prolong the marriage and they may behave for a while, but eventually they return to the lies and cheating.
You say you can't be in a non-monogamous union (it would be the same for me). Do you think your spouse can be trusted to do that? Is that the only requirement you have? How about your trust? Communication? Monitoring of phones and computers? Can you heal from his current cheating for 2 years? Are you willing to continue knowing that you will always have that fear eating away at you? Does he satisfy you in the bedroom? Will he continue to do so?
Lots of questions I know.. I'm no expert on MOM's. But I've read enough to try to ask some questions and get you thinking about deeper levels of decision making involved.
Whatever your choice, we are here to support you!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: no options....
.
Jb.....have a look at the MOM section on this forum. There are straightspouses in Mixed Orientation Marriages
who approach this in a different way. It will give you another view. Give you suggestions, information that will
enable you to process what's happening.
KIA KAHA