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October 25, 2018 12:14 am  #1

My Wife Can’t Stop Lying to Me


I’m new here. I’m exactly what my user name says. Feeling Lonely. I haven’t taken the time to read too many stories but have read a few. I honestly just want to get something off my chest - and I have nowhere to turn.

For the past 8 months, I’ve known that my wife’s new lesbian friend of 1 year had feelings for her.  It was confirmed to me when I saw a text come through on my wife’s phone that said “I can’t stop thinking about you,” something I know my wife would be furious with if another woman had texted me. I was hurt. I asked her if she had told the woman that it wasn’t appropriate and she said no. I was hurt even more. She didn’t stick up for me or our family unit.

Eventually, she vowed to stop hanging out with her in one on one situations to make me feel comfortable  and countless times my wife had gone back on her word. She continued to lie to me about her whereabouts. She went out more frequently with friends (sometimes 3-5 times a week), stayed out later while I was left at home with our now 4 year old son. Once again I was left feeling hurt.

I’ve strongly suspected that my wife was falling for her new lesbian friend of 1 year. Red flag after red flag kept popping up. Hiding text messages, seeing her friend daily, she conveniently forgets to wear her wedding rings often, lying by omission, and telling her things about her life that she wouldn’t talk to me about. At the very least it was an emotional affair. For months she swore that their relationship was purely platonic. And over those months there had been countless fights about the other person whom has come between at least 3 MF marriages that I know of. For the longest time I’ve believed that this new friend has been a cancer in me and my wife’s marriage.

My wife came out to me 2 weeks ago and I was ok with it. She’s expressed her love for me and our family unit on countless occasions and had told me that she wants to stay together. But she continues to lie to me. Finally, she came out and told me that she has feelings for this other woman and has for months.

And tonight, she told me that she was hanging out with one of her other friends from work a few hours from where we live and will be staying the night at her place. Something she’s done a few times and I’ve thought nothing of. But I’m fairly confident she’s not with her coworker, but staying with her lesbian friend.

My wife told me that she is speaking with her counsellor and will make a decision on Friday whether she wants to remain in a relationship with me and cut ties with her lesbian friend. She’s told me that I satisfy her sexually, she’s attracted to me, but would likely not be with another man should we not work out.

I’m in a relationship with someone who is clearly confused. She’s told me she’s found women attractive since before we met 10 years ago.

I’m sitting here on a Wednesday night hurt. Hurt that I’m 95% confident she’s lied to me again and is with someone she said she wasn’t going to be with. I’m hurt that for the 10 years of our relationship she had kept something major from me. I’m hurt that for the past 6 months plus I’ve been made to feel crazy for such a thing to happen. I’m hurt because on Friday my life may come to a crashing halt and there is nothing I can do about it.

I’m angry that my wife has been so selfish - putting me through personal hell while she figures her stuff out. Listen, I’m happy for her to be her... but the time for that was when she was in her 20s and single. Not after she had built a life, a family, a home with someone she vowed to be with. Especially since she knew long ago she was attracted to women. Instead, she built a life based on a lie. She lied to everyone including herself. 

My son is my world and I don’t want to put him through this. I don’t want to split time and only get to see him for 50% of the time. It’s an awful feeling being in this position. I likely won’t be able to afford to live on my own and neither will she. We each make great money, but housing prices and rent is so freaking high. Finding a place that allows 2 dogs that bark will be a nightmare. I’m terrified of starting over. Finding someone new. I love my wife. It’s hard to believe based on the above - but I just want my family to be ok. I’m sick to my f’ing stomach that instead of being home with the family - she’s lied again and is out with her ‘girlfriend’. I feel worthless sitting here waiting for Friday for her to “decide” if I’m what she wants. I feel uncertain if I’d ever be able to trust anyone ever again.

I’ve done a lot of reading in my many hours of alone time. And one thing I’ve taken from multiple sites is that you should ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. If you think something is up... something most likely is up.

I’m feeling very lonely.


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