OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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1 - phoenix
- Administrator
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A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
Hey everyone, I want to share a request for volunteers to share their straight spouse - mixed orientation marriage experience. This request is specifically to study communication between partners in a mixed orientation marriage, so the request is to speak with those of us who are currently married. You can be married with the intent to continue, undecided, or you can be separated and living independently, but not yet divorced. The study is completely anonymous and has IRB certification to back this up.
This is obviously completely up to each of you to decide if you wish to participate.
This isn't the first time we've had someone join our forum with the hopes of interviewing and studying the experiences of our members. However, this is the first time I've felt comfortable with the person making the request and the intentions of the study.
Darcy (username dlwhahn) did everything the right way. She approached me directly via private message before posting anything on the forum. We had a lengthy conversation in which I felt she was being honest and open and her intentions sounded beneficial to our group. I asked her to contact the SSN communications director for approval and I was pleased to find that Janet, who has a great sense for these things, did give her consent.
Full disclosure, since honesty is the standard on this forum. This is what Darcy shared with me about her background and her project:
" I am in a mixed orientation marriage- I have come out as lesbian to my husband 2 years ago now. I did this during my doctoral program at University of Nebraska Lincoln where I study communication in relationships. This has motivated me to do my dissertation on mixed orientation marriages. I am currently doing phone and Skype interviews with both straight and not straight spouses (but not both from the same couple). Although I am interested in both experiences, I am particularly interested in the experiences of the straight spouses. "
After I replied telling her how important it is to represent the straight spouses, she said the following:
"I am specifically interested in what they (Straight Spouses) are going through, what their truth is, and what they want they want the world to know. I want to know what it was like for them when their spouse came out to them, what they are going through, and where they can go to for support. In the warrant for my dissertation, I talk a lot about the lack of research with straight spouses and the lack of research on recipients of burdensome secrets in general. My goal is to close these gaps and to provide more resources for these individuals. "
So, I believe Darcy is working on a legitimate project that will provide insight and understanding about the straight spouse experience and mixed-orientation-marriages. She approached our organization in a completely respectful and proper manner. Most importantly, I feel her intentions and research will be positive and supportive to the straight spouse community. *Note: She actually has been using Amity Pierce-Buxton (Our Founder) as a significant part of her research.
Darcy will take over from here and post in this thread only. Anyone interested in talking with her may reply in this thread or use private message or communicate independently with her phone or email when she provides those contact points. If anyone has concerns, please message me directly.
Thanks!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- dlwhahn
- New member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
Hi everyone,
My name is Darcy Wente-Hahn, and I am a doctoral candidate at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. You've read a little about me in the above kind introduction by Phoenix. I am working on my dissertation that is exploring mixed orientation marriages. Like Phoenix pointed out, I am specifically interested in the lived experiences of straight spouses. I am honored that I was approved to post my "call for participants" on your forum. I am copying and pasting my IRB approved recruitment script. If you are interested in participating you just need to contact me, and the two of us will come up with a time that is convenient for you. We can schedule a phone call, a Skype call, or another service that makes you most comfortable. Because this is an IRb approved project, your information will remain confidential. I have taken several extra steps to ensure my participants feel comfortable and their identities protected. If you have ANY questions for me, please do not hesitate to ask either here, through a private message, or to my email dhahn@huskers.unl.edu
Thank you to each person who considers participating in my study. My hopes are to contribute both to the academic community, and to your community.
Here is the recruitment script:
University of Nebraska – Lincoln
Recruitment Script: Revealing and Concealing Mixed Orientation Marriages
My name is Darcy Wente-Hahn, I am a doctoral student in the Communication Studies Department at University of Nebraska- Lincoln. I am conducting research with married couples in which one spouse experiences same-sex attraction and may or may not identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or a self-descriptive term, while the other spouse is heterosexual (Buxton, 2001). The purpose of this study is to explore the experiences, communication, and decisions made around what information to reveal or conceal in these relationships, referred to as a mixed orientation marriages (MOMs).
Participation in this study will take approximately 60-75 minutes. During this time, you will be asked both demographic questions, and a series of open-ended questions concerning your experiences and conversations surrounding your sexuality and mixed orientation marriage. These interviews will be audio-recorded, and later transcribed for research. All data for this study will remain strictly confidential, following specific guidelines to protect all participants’ identities. At no time will your identity be revealed in the analysis or in the reporting of the results.
Your participation in this study is completely voluntary, and at any time, if you feel uncomfortable, you may end the interview. You may also choose to not answer questions, and may leave at any time with no consequences.
If you agree to participate in this study, you may call or email me to set up a time and place to conduct the interview. You will receive no direct benefit for participating in this study, however, you will be able to contribute to a much needed set of data that may be used deepen understanding on marriage, sexuality, and mixed orientation marriages.
To participate in this study, you must meet the following criteria:
(1)You must be 19 years or older and
(2)You must be in a mixed orientation marriage
For the purposes of this study, we are defining a mixed orientation marriage as:
(1)Any couple in which one spouse experiences same-sex attraction and may or may not identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or a self-descriptive term, while the other spouse is heterosexual (Buxton, 2001)
If you fit these criteria, and are interested in participating in this study, please contact me at dhahn@huskers.unl.edu
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
I've read this and will be watching with interest ( I am an overseas member )
but wonder why this wasn't posted on the MOM board.
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 24, 2018 3:38 pm)
KIA KAHA
- dlwhahn
- New member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
Hi Ellexoh, which MOM board are you referring to? I only post to boards where I have permission, so it may be a board that I am still seeking permission for 
I am doing interviews with people overseas via Skype if you decide you would like to participate!
Thanks for the question!
Last edited by dlwhahn (October 24, 2018 3:51 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
dlwhahn wrote:
Hi Ellexoh, which MOM board are you referring to?
We have a "Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work" board
I am doing interviews with people overseas via Skype if you decide you would like to participate!
I'm thinking it will be an interesting exercise to do it. There's nothing (that I have seen) in New Zealand like the study you're doing
Thanks for the question!
KIA KAHA
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
Another question!
You said "Although I am interested in both experiences I am particularly interested in the experiences of the straight spouses"
Most of us deal with our LGBTQ partners' indifference to our situations. What made you want to study it?
KIA KAHA
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
wonder why this wasn't posted on the MOM board.
I considered posting in that forum, but it goes back to my perception of why that forum was created. The MOM forum is there to provide support and to discuss optimistic and successful strategies for keeping mixed-orientation-marriages going. We asked those who are not actively trying to keep their marriage to steer clear of that area to keep it from turning negative. (yes I know that's been controversial..) If I posted this request in that area it would exclude those who are still married but may not desire to remain so permanently and that would limit the amount of people who might respond to the survey.
Tough call, but I felt better putting it in general discussion section. Good question though!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- dlwhahn
- New member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
This is a great question! In preparing for my dissertation I started seeing patterns in published research on MOMs. The major pattern was to focus on not-straight spouses and to discuss the straight spouse as a passive receiver of information. It is also a pattern in communication field (the field I am working on getting my PHD in) to look only at disclosers of information, and not receivers. Because of these patterns, and from findings in my pilot study, I knew I needed to look at straight spouses. I want to show the academic world that straight spouses and receivers of information are active members in their own lives. I also want to contribute to the MOM community in a meaningful way- and right now, I think straight spouses can use resources.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
Cheers Phoenix. You're absolutely correct
KIA KAHA
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: A request to interview straight spouses who are currently married
This is a great question! In preparing for my dissertation I started seeing patterns in published research on MOMs. The major pattern was to focus on not-straight spouses and to discuss the straight spouse as a passive receiver of information. It is also a pattern in communication field (the field I am working on getting my PHD in) to look only at disclosers of information, and not receivers. Because of these patterns, and from findings in my pilot study, I knew I needed to look at straight spouses. I want to show the academic world that straight spouses and receivers of information are active members in their own lives. I also want to contribute to the MOM community in a meaningful way- and right now, I think straight spouses can use resources.
In the 18 months I've had incorporating this "elephant in the room" into my life, my world! I've become used to seeing lots of "rah rah" for the coming out and the "it's time I became the authentic me" 'other side' of these r'ships.....while most straightspouses have no recognition or acknowledgement.....anywhere. I will admit to having to work on my bitterness and distaste of the support that community gets as a whole (because I know people from that community and see them as peers not enemies)
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (October 24, 2018 5:03 pm)
KIA KAHA