OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Supportme
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
I am encouraged by your post. I have a strong faith which is getting me through this early days of learningmy hubby being unfaithful with other men and him coming to realisation he is homosexual deep down. We too love each other deeply and family is important to us. .early days.
- Brian'sGirl
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
Supportme wrote:
I am encouraged by your post. I have a strong faith which is getting me through this early days of learningmy hubby being unfaithful with other men and him coming to realisation he is homosexual deep down. We too love each other deeply and family is important to us. .early days.
My faith is also deeply important nd reconciling this new lifestyle has taken much prayer, meditation, and lots of soul searching. I was born into a very conservative Christian Family, my father was a Pastor and my Mama was beyond wonderful. I have no horror stories about my parents but my grandfather was another story, My father passed when I was 9yrs. old, my mother 15 years ago. I have one brother in the Ministry still and my husband and I actually pastor a church. We are, however, looking at an exit strategy without trying to do damage to the church. Suffice it to say, my family and most of our church memebers will not be accepting. But for myself, I have come to the realization that I cannot be the judge over everyone's lives. It is not up to me to judge but to love. And that is what I have chosen to do. My husband says he has same sex attraction but thoroughly enjoys our sexual life. We have built a wonderful life with each other and are willing to compromise when we must. This is a daunting challenge but one I am willing to take on because I cannot imagine a life without him. Again, open and honest communication is a must! And I give him his time and space when he needs to be a part of his other world. Not giving advice to anyone else. This is what has worked for us for the past year and we take each day as it comes.I have been through far too many losses to go through another one.
Last edited by Brian'sGirl (August 6, 2018 3:13 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
...... We have built a wonderful life with each other and are willing to compromise when we must.....give him his time and space when he needs to be a part of his other world. ....
But your husband is the one who has changed the basis of what you thought was your intimate life together. You didn't change anything, so it doesn't sound like he will have to compromise anything.
In fact "have his cake and eat it too" comes to mind.
KIA KAHA
- Brian'sGirl
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
...... We have built a wonderful life with each other and are willing to compromise when we must.....give him his time and space when he needs to be a part of his other world. ....
But your husband is the one who has changed the basis of what you thought was your intimate life together. You didn't change anything, so it doesn't sound like he will have to compromise anything.
In fact "have his cake and eat it too" comes to mind.
Perhaps you are right for the most part. But this new situation in our lives affects our children and grandchildren as well as those to whom we have ministered and worked with. We sit down and discuss our isseues, wants, desires, needs and we come up with a plan together. Is it a perfect relationship, a perfect plan? No. but this is the path I have chosen on which to remain. And so, we do not offer advice to others in this same position, we can only share our story and how we make it work for us. There are days when it becomes difficult and I have wondered if I am the only person going through this. I was thrilled to find this site and hope to be encouraged as well as an encouragement to others. I sincerely hope you find what works for you as well!
- Wifeofabiman
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
Brian’sGirl......
If you wouldn’t mind sharing....what are some compromises that you and your husband have made that have worked and have not worked.
My husband recently told me that he is bisexual and has been hiding it from me for our entire marriage. He denies cheating but is at a point in his life where he doesn’t want to hide it from me. Although he wants to remain married because supposedly I am his soul mate and he loves me deeply and that I can never be replaced, he wants my blessing/premission to explore his bisexuality. I have told him that I don’t know if I can handle that or not but that I am willing for now to take it one day at a time and to see if we can figure this out....
Any insights, help, advice, you can give would be greatly appreciated. I love my husband very much. We have had a great marriage so far, and I am not ready to give it up....I have put a lot of energy into it and have lots of memories. I want to continue on making memories but I am so afraid that my heart will just be broken where it can’t ever be repaired.
Thank you!
- Brassyhub
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
For those of us here from a faith background, or for whom faith is an important element and a help in this struggle, there's a private Facebook group that you can ask to join.
The description says: 'This is a group for straight spouses who want to discuss from a faith-based perspective what they are experiencing on their life journeys. We are open to people of all faiths with a spirit of openness, honest sharing and mutual respect.
'What unites us is our care for one another and our desire to help and support one another. Together we can explore what truth and nourishment we find in the world’s spiritual traditions and the insight that we may discover in any source, religious or not.'
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
There are days when it becomes difficult and I have wondered if I am the only person going through this. I was thrilled to find this site and hope to be encouraged as well as an encouragement to others. I sincerely hope you find what works for you as well!
In all the time I've been a member of this forum,and with the addition of the MOM section...every day I see more proof of people out there who see their r'ships/marriages as something they can work on. And as a subset of this group.... the strengths of every couple is different in their history, values and core connection.
Thanks Briansgirl
KIA KAHA
- Wifeofabiman
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
Thank you for sharing the Facebook link. My faith is one thing that I have been struggling with. I want to honor God first, and I hope that in the decisions I am making I will.
- Brian'sGirl
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
Brian’sGirl......
If you wouldn’t mind sharing....what are some compromises that you and your husband have made that have worked and have not worked.
My husband recently told me that he is bisexual and has been hiding it from me for our entire marriage. He denies cheating but is at a point in his life where he doesn’t want to hide it from me. Although he wants to remain married because supposedly I am his soul mate and he loves me deeply and that I can never be replaced, he wants my blessing/premission to explore his bisexuality. I have told him that I don’t know if I can handle that or not but that I am willing for now to take it one day at a time and to see if we can figure this out....
Any insights, help, advice, you can give would be greatly appreciated. I love my husband very much. We have had a great marriage so far, and I am not ready to give it up....I have put a lot of energy into it and have lots of memories. I want to continue on making memories but I am so afraid that my heart will just be broken where it can’t ever be repaired.
Thank you!
Wifeofabiman, Not to say that any of this has been easy or that we have a perfect relationship. When Brian and I met 28 years ago we had instant recognition in our spirits. He was newly ministered out of Seminary and I was a divorced mother for six years with 2 small children. But we both had abiding faith in Jesus
Christ and each of us had been traumatized by molestation and rape as very small children into our teens. I had an inkling that He may at least have had same sex attraction but as we were "in the church" it was not spoken of or practiced. Everything came to ahead 1 1/2 yr ago when He had a breakdown due to PTSD and Disocciation Disorder. He is on the road to recovery but during this time he felt like he could not go on living a life of dishonesty, and being forced to hide who he was. He thought I was going to tell him to leave, but I looked him in the eye and told him I loved him and was willing to make this work if it was what he really wanted. I told him that I was willing to let him explore this other side of himself as long as we were up front and honest. No one night stands, no running to gay bars, on line sites etc. He is a man of intellect and I knew that there had to be safe and discreet ways of exploring his sexuality. Brian and I talk daily about our struggles and our successes. We have never yelled or threatened, sometimes we agree to disagree but it has been that way for us our whole marriage. He goes away a weekend about every 3mos to be in a Men's Support Group, or to a scheduled LGBT event through his group. I will not, however, compromise in regards to my children and grandchildren. They will not be a part of this other life unless they choose. I guess it does seem that I have carried the larger burden of compromise, but Brian is and has been my best friend, my lover, my husband for 27 yrs.We enjoy each other's company, we laugh, we cry, we share memories of our own babies we lost. We have too much life and love togwther to just let it go. If down the road we cannot make this work, I would hope we could remain friends. I guess I love him enough to not be afraid of who he is.
Last edited by Brian'sGirl (August 7, 2018 6:22 pm)
- Brian'sGirl
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Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?
Thank you for sharing the Facebook link. My faith is one thing that I have been struggling with. I want to honor God first, and I hope that in the decisions I am making I will.
That was something I began to grapple with before my husband came out to me. I just believe that God's Grace and Love is enough to cover a multitude of sin. Brian will have to make peace with God himself as do I. We will, at some point in the near future, exit our Pastorship as our church strongly teaches against any form of sexual relationship outside of one man/one woman. We will find a Affirming Church that we are comfortable with and attend as parishioners. I still have a deep and abiding faith in God, but some of my personal views and convictions have changed over the years. My goal is tto seek the Word and God for myself and nor for what others tell me it should be. Sometimes, it is a lonely place to be.