Philly wrote:

 

Every one of us has a story and 
everyone's story is different. And 
the way we get to the last page 
of the last chapter is varied


 

Lisa Emelsee wrote:

.....I could have wrote every word of this. Only difference in time. Disclosure Day July 10th.....

I've just checked back on the date I wrote that post and it was last December! ..about 11 months after my partner telling me he wanted to explore his bi-side more and maybe one day be fucked by a man. 
This changed my whole life. I no longer see him as the man I see myself spending the rest of my life with (and actually have no clear view of my future at all), no longer respect him as I once cherished & respected what *I* thought was an unbreakable, strong, awesome r'ship. We're still together because neither of us wants to let go.
What I'm trying to say Lisa...is that disclosure is Step One. What we're going through, you and I, only appears the same because you're reading something I wrote 7 months ago, and in between *the email* and Now....approx 18 months...there have been counselors, books/articles I've read, tears, arguments, the realisation all this was, and still does, isolate me, and yes....pockets of strength along the way when I've told those close to me what I'm going through.

Have you told anyone what has happened....is happening? A relative, friend..?
 

Lisa Emelsee wrote:

Not a soul. I cant. I made an inquiry for counseling so I will see where that takes me.

 
I had mentioned to my daughter that her father was bi, and to my son that I suspected he was seeing somebody else so when things progressed and I learnt more...it became impossible to hold it to myself so after 4 or 5 counseling sessions..I told them more.
We all move at our own pace so don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Good on you re your inquiry about counseling

Brassyhub wrote:

We cannot carry The Gay Thing alone. It is simply too traumatic, too earthquake-ish. So shaking of our identity. We have to seek out friends AND therapists to help us on our journey. We cannot make it alone. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We've done nothing wrong, other than fall in love and develop a relationship with someone who wasn't straight and perhaps didn't understand themselves and their gayness. Or did, and deliberately hid it. But again, that's their responsibility, not ours.

I am not in a good position to confide in anyone. I've had the same group of friends for 20 years with love/hate relationships in between. There isnt one person in that group I can count on to keep a secret, especially this!, and especially because there are some gays in group as well. More like acquaintances to us but still.  I cant tell my aging parents or my sister, I already had one failed marriage with a severe alcoholic. They will somehow blame me for this. My only friend I can tell is going thru so much with her aging father, I cant lay this on her.
The next issue I have is that my DGH wants to stay married. I opened his side, he said no. He is in love with me and I am his soul mate. He wants me. I love him more than life itself. He is an amazing man, he took care of me while i went thru 3 years of cancer.

So for now, we stay married. I play "gay sex" and have fun with it. He is starting a new job and once he get started our financial situation will improve. When that's all settled we can revisit. In the meantime I'm going to enjoy this new fun happy man who likes to go shopping and watch high Jackman on TV.

Lisa
Waves and Riptides

I am new to this world. I have always suspected that my husband leaned toward bisexuality and after a breakdown from PTSD 1 1/2 years ago, He came out to me last year about this time. I cannot say it was a shocking revelation, but somewhat unsettling in the beginning. The big question, "Can we make this work?" Neither of us want a divorce, we love and like each other,we have built a wonderful life together over 27 years of marriage. We have many complicated issues as we are both Survivirs of Sexual Abuse and Rape from childhood. We are also in the Ministry. I think that what helps to keep us strong is our open communication and our understanding of each other. We make sure to schedule time for our relationship. We have an agreement that permits him to have friends outside of our marriage. That may be a cup of coffee and conversation, it may be time with a close friend in a more intimate setting. Our rules are mutual respect, honesty, safety and discretion. My husband also is in Therapy for his PTSD and for sexual issues in regards to his orientation.Is this the ideal situation, the ideal marriage? Perhaps not for some, but it works for us.