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- Abby
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Re: Uncertainty
FEWER shady lenders and mortgage brokers. I'm getting worse than Donald Trump!!!
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Uncertainty
Abby wrote:
FEWER shady lenders and mortgage brokers. I'm getting worse than Donald Trump!!!
LMAO
KIA KAHA
- KC
- New member
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Re: Uncertainty
Thanks, Abby
I do plan on proceeding without his knowledge, and thanks for your advice.
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Thread Starter- KC
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Re: Uncertainty
I’m wondering if someone here has had a similar situation, financially. I’m flabbergasted at the amount of our debt. Does anybody have any ideas what he could have spent our money on?
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Thread Starter- Baffled
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Re: Uncertainty
My ex spent our retirement money on his “affairs “ about $750,000. of it (no, this is not a typo). There was only $62,000. left when I filed and had his accounts frozen. He also had stopped putting money in years ago and hid that from me. That debt you see may be from his funding his lifestyle and the addictions that often go with it. If your name is on that account, get a final statement and remove your name immediately. Start separating your finances and accounts from his. Open your own checking, savings and credit card before you file for divorce. I also withdrew 50% of the cash from all joint accounts a few hours before he was served with divorce papers (right after printing the statements).
My divorce took three years....enough time to totally reveal the true identity and personality of the person I had married. I thank everything good in the universe for removing me from the horror of that marriage!
- Abby
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Re: Uncertainty
Never underestimate the damage that interest can do, particularly the high interest on credit cards and any late fees that get added. When the mortgage madness was going on many loans had variable interest rates and when they went up the mortgage got refinanced which added a whole new round of fees and commissions to the amount being financed. Sometimes this happened every three years (or less if the mortgage broker could churn it sooner) and because with a 30-year mortgage early payments go mostly to interest and only a little towards principal the amount owed could only increase.
Baffled you were nice to only withdraw 50% from the joint accounts if you knew that he was a squandering money. Unless my lawyer advised me otherwise I'd have cleaned them out and put it where only I had access, then it would be there to be sorted out in the divorce. I controlled the finances in my marriage and
I think that he was pleasantly surprised when he decided he wanted a divorce that our finances were better than he realized and both of us walk away with a nest egg.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- KC
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Re: Uncertainty
Baffled, what is it about men squandering money like that?! That was horribly devious of him. And heartless. I certainly feel your pain. And I appreciate you sharing that with me.
Abby, I do know that his solution to his cc debt was to add it to the mortgage, being a lower interest rate. I scoured our bank statements and could see where that happened. So, yes, I’m certain that interest rates played a big part in our debt load. I don’t know why I never asked to see his credit card statements, though. I have since taken over our finances - I just wish I did it a lot sooner.
Wondering, I found some videos he made of himself, using a dildo in different ways. I was shocked to learn that he even had an interest in sex! From the very start, his sex drive was quite low - we would have sex maybe once a week. I was in my mid 20s, fit, not ugly. After my second child was born, it stopped altogether. He took a bedroom for his own, and I’ve suggested he move back into mine to free up a room, but that was a no go. We haven’t been together for at least 16 years. Seeing those videos also triggered a memory from a few years ago, of coming across ads or something that would pop up on our shared desk top of naked men.
As for his caring for me, I really appreciated it, but I did come to realize that it was a form of control. He has proven that he will do anything to keep our marriage together (his reversal, going to AA to quit drinking, but only after I was ready to leave him). I have felt, for a while now, that making me dependent on him ensures that I will stay in the marriage. I figured he just didn’t want to be alone, but after seeing those videos and reading some stories here, I can see that his motives are more selfish than that.
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Thread Starter