We have been married for 15 years and this is a blended marriage. We met on an online dating website. I was very selective as I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner and I did not want to settle. We dated for about 6 months and had a lot in common. We married 8 months later. He was in the marines for eight years as military police. He's a manly man and attractive. The first year of our marriage the sex was great. He was willing to do pretty much anything. No concerns or red flags. Not long after our first year together one of his teenage children came to live with us. This did bring some stress into the home due to teenage issues and the crazy ex wife. His ex wife cheated on him but there were problems throughout their entire marriage. They had three children together.

Time passed and the sex became non existent. Maybe two to three times a year if that. I would bring it up and he would tell me he just didn't have the sex drive and just didn't know why. Of course I was just as sexual 5 years into our marriage as I was the day we met. After multiple arguments, long discussions, crying, me begging for all the why's he finally told me that he was sexually abused by a teenage boy when he was 8 years old. Of course I was very understanding and patient. I was always encouraging him letting him know it wasn't his fault.

Another three years passed and I find a naked picture of him on his tablet. It wasn't sent to me and we weren't having a sexual relationship. So of course I confronted him asking him who he was sending pictures to and he admitted he sent only one picture that one time to an older man. He said he was looking for an older man to hurt the way he was hurt when he was a boy. He told me he had been depressed, suicidal and needed help. He found a female christian therapist he saw for over a year. During the time he was seeing the therapist he would share with me some of what happened to him as a boy. He said that the sexual abuse with this older boy lasted for a few years. There was never any penetration but pretty much everything else. He said once the boy tried to actually have full on sex he was scared and he ran home. After seeing the therapist my husband was healed and said he had been released from these horrible thoughts he was having for his entire life. I actually believed him or I wanted to believe him. Still very little physical or sexual contact. Holding hands and cuddling was about it.

Moving forward over the past few years here are some of the things that have happened.

I have found female porn on one of his computers.
I have found multiple pages of craigslist searches M4M married men.
I found an email he created for the craigslist searches.

When I questioned him on the above he said he was just looking and didn't send any emails to anyone. Then why did he create the new email account.

Then there was a guy he met online through his business. The guy wanted to meet him so he flew out and got a hotel close to our home. I thought it was a little strange that a complete stranger would want to fly to another state just to meet someone but still trying to believe everything my husband has told me. The friend was in town for two days. One evening we all went to dinner and it was good conversation, nothing odd. The second night they went to dinner by themselves. When I got home it wasn't too late maybe 8:30pm they were in the back yard. My husband was laying in a pool lounger and the guy was just standing there talking to him. Nothing weird. I was in the kitchen watching them for a few minutes. When the guy saw me he ran in and said come outside and hang with us. I do want to add this guy did look somewhat feminine. He shaved his arms and legs. But he had a girlfriend that he talked about and based on social media I knew it was legit because I did do the research. So when I went outside he was telling me all about this great place they went to that had wonderful daiquiris but my husband did get to drink his because it spilled or he dropped it or something like that. Meanwhile my husband is still laying on the lounger not looking at me while the guy is telling me the story. At the time I did think it was out of character and odd for my husband. So that was it. The guy left and flew home the next day.

A couple of weeks later I just got a feeling so I started reading their messages to one another on messenger.
Here is some of their communication to and from.They are talking about business as well as personal and this is over a few days. I'm typing it exactly the way they wrote it to one another except for anything that would provide too much information that would identify them.

Friend: Beautiful Happy 4th pretty boy
Husband: Just gotta finish your girlfriends order. Pretty ha!!! I'm the ugly duckling
Friend: Well some of us dig ya lol
Husband: Ahhhh your so sweet. If I was gay you'd be my man
Friend: Lol
Husband: Lmao
Husband: Your order will ship Friday
Friend: Lol Your the sexiest beast ever (emoji - lipstick, lips, red high heel)
Husband: Flattery will get you some lovin
Friend: (emoji - several money bags)
Husband: I'm no prostitute
Friend: I couldn't find a daiquiri emoji Lol...Man I can't wait to go back to that spot
Husband: Last nights storms were bad. 75 mph winds
Friend: Wow just missed that. Everything ok? Any damage?
Husband: You've been on my mind the whole time. No.
Friend: I am like a tick. Bahahaha
Husband: You suck like a tick.
Friend: Lol Thanks again for having me out it was awesome!
Husband: You bet anytime
Friend: I will use the one you made for me until the fucking finish wears off
Husband: there is no finish
Friend: Til the wood wears down. Til the f##king finish turns into dust. (he's talking about what he purchased from my husband)
Husband: hahaha yeah right
Friend: Until I drink a gallon of daiquiri and spill it everywhere. Til the grease from my bbq frys the board. Lol
Husband: Hahaha id like to see you after a 1 gallon daiquiri
Friend: Miss you guys man did I have fun
Husband: Tell me about it. Hard to find good friends.
Friend: Cant wait to get my order lol so excited
Husband: Gotta pick it up in person
Friend: hey are you going to the convention
Husband: yes
Friend: Thinking about going
Husband: Cummon
Friend: Cant wait to get my hands on my order
Friend: jerk lol
Husband: lol bwaaahaaaa
Friend: you must hate me lol
Husband: never (emoji - blowing a kiss)
Friend: have you heard of this guy (provided a name)
Husband: no i don't buy my products from others...LOL
Friend: Jerk...Lol....But I love you hahaha
Husband: oh i love you more
Friend: So what's so busy
Husband: sanding and polishing
Friend: just flying through them now
Husband: i wish it were that easy
Friend: Wish I lived close to help. Best stress reliever ever. Was building blocks and tinkering. With you.
Husband: wish you were her too

So when I asked him about all of this he said nothing happened. I told him this is not normal conversation between two straight guys. He said he was a mentor to this guy. Nothing more.

Now moving to the present day its been over a year since we have had sex. He has said to me recently that he misses the way we used to be close. So I decided to have sex with him just on a random day. I waited a couple of weeks later and of course nothing more happened which is what I expected. So when I brought it up he said he cant get excited if he doesn't feel wanted. He said his foreplay is feeling loved and wanted and he cant just make it happen. So I told him I'm okay if he cant get it up. I just need him to take care of me and asked him if he could pleasure me once or twice a week. He told me he cant make that kind of promise to me. Then of course we fought and I got upset. I told him it's always this way anytime we discuss sex. So he said then should we just never have sex again. I said is that what you want and he said no. But I really felt that he wanted me to say fine we don't have to have sex ever again. I mean it's been 15 years so why does it matter.

There is so much more but I feel like I have written a book. I'm just so torn because I want to believe him and be understanding. I just feel like I know the truth but I don't have the physical proof and he makes me feel like I am making all of this up in my head.

Please any experience or advice you have for me I would greatly appreciate. I have done so much research online and I just cant find the answers or help that I am looking for.