Where I am: in the process of moving out.  I've been living apart from my stbx in my own apartment for three months, but with only the very basics (I moved in with a bed, a dining table, and a loveseat).  Yesterday the movers brought over the heavy furniture I can't move on my own.  Of furniture I still have bookcases to go.  There's still LOTS of STUFF to go through--35 years of a marriage, 27 in the same house, and things from my mother and father and my own long ago life.  A few days ago, in clearing out my files, I came across our wedding invitations and announcements that we'd had a calligrapher letter for us, along with two copies of the vows we wrote (as in most marriages, I, the woman, am the caretaker of family memories).  I left one of each on the bed (now "his bed), no comment.  
   I am making efforts to be social, to put all the caretaking and sociality I used to spend on the black hole of my husband's needs on myself and my colleagues and friends.  I'm making sure to schedule at least one social event almost every day (some days there are two, or even three!).  Just this week alone I helped one friend mulch her garden, had coffee with another, lunch with still another, and a late afternoon drink with two others.  (And packed and moved.)
  I would say my general outlook is good, although a week straight of going back to "our house" and clearing it out has brought back what I've lately done a mostly good job of leaving behind.  At least putting my new place to rights, figuring out the optimal places for furniture (and then hanging pictures) will keep me occupied and be concrete moves toward my own life and place.  I also find that I have been more willing to tell people the reason I'm moving out, because it seems wrong to let them assume that a 35 year marriage could be left behind on a flimsy excuse like "we grew apart."  I told the men moving my furniture, for example, that after 32 years of marriage my husband decided he wanted to be a woman and they were understanding, sympathetic, and kind.  (They were also careful and quick, but that's because they were professionals.)
  However, tonight, after my colleague went home to get ready for dinner guests, a couple he and his partner are having over tonight, I did feel, as I ate another dinner alone...well, alone. Funny, because for the past dozen years I have spent 4-6 weeks alone every summer, and never felt lonely while eating alone--because it was a respite from the obligation of nightly cooking a meal, because, I guess, I knew it wouldn't last forever and I had someone to go home to and who would then be coming home to the meal I cooked.  So dinner time is the hardest for me.  I am used to ending my work day by cooking a meal for "us," and waiting for him to come home so we could eat together.  Eating dinner together was the most contact and interaction we shared, and, let's be clear, we often ate while watching tv, often with me watching him shovel in unthinkingly the meal I'd cooked, wondering why I was making the effort, but it was my daily after work routine and provided me company of a minimal sort.  Now each night it's just me. I do cook for myself, and make an effort at presentation, but sometimes the effort falls flat, and it fell flat tonight.   So tonight there was a little weeping after I finished my meal (which I ate outside at the little table on my porch).
  I'm sure my low moment was caused by the last week's efforts and the last week's emotional onslaught.  I'm having fewer of these low moments, so I know it will pass.  In general I'm doing ok.  Often more than ok.  Getting better.  Doing better.  Feeling lighter and free of stress.  
 Life is (mostly) good. 
 
  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (June 20, 2018 7:22 pm)

Kel, All,

I have not been on here much as it tends to make me re-live the past over and over sometimes. 

I've been doing really good.  A little over 2 years divorced..but so much longer since TGT.   I have minimal contact with my GX and only get the occasional put down out of the blue now (i guess on bad days she still feels entitled to take it out on me..rather crazy after so long).   Kids are doing great.   I've made many new friends.

I would like tell everyone there is life after TGT and it is so much better than living with someone that lies , abuses and demeans because of their internal sexual issues and morals.    Do not fear getting away from these hurtful people.

Big e-hugs to everyone.   

 

The dilemma of my r'ship, all it is, all it may be....has taken a back seat. My mother passed a month ago (on my 60th birthday no less) so once again the turmoil I feel sits in the back of my mind while I wade through emotions, the clearing out of her house, sifting through photos......like, hundreds of them!....etc etc. 
Plus! my grandson is in the country on his summer break (hah! and it's winter in NZ!)  so I try not to dwell on *my situation*   

All I can say is, I'm aware this....my 33 yr r'ship....may not last. But if there's a light at the end 
of this tunnel...I can't see it yet

What a horrible process this is. I am still on the roller coaster of emotions. But the sadness is overwhelming.

The major progress I have made is I realize w/o a doubt that my GIDH is gay. I no longer doubt it, I no longer believe his lies. He is gay. I still love him, but he is gay. I want truth and honesty in my marriage and he can’t give me that. Another positive step is I have separated rented an apartment for 6 months. Being separated has enlightened me, I see very clearly now.

But the negative is I have no clue what I am going to do now. I hit the pause button. I want to be happy, just give me my happiness back, is that happy with or without my GIDH?

And I am so very very tired, I just want a break from all this shit. Thanks for letting me vent.

I am 9 months post disclosure and nearly 3 months on my own. Its been a real up and down time. its better when we have no contact and I've realised that he doesn't really care for me. He's just too wrapped up in his new life. You know that box they keep TGT in? I think that now that he's out, he has a new box where he has put me and our marriage in. 
I have days where I feel overwhelmed and so tired but I would never have him back. So thats what I hold on to.
Ellexoh- so sorry about your Mum xx