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- Kel
- Member
Offline 
Re: daughter's wedding coming up next week
Jon,
I understand you feeling that you need to have answers to some of your questions. But it won't help. The answers can do nothing but upset you further. And that's because 1) there is no answer that will set well with you, and 2) even with all the answers, it won't compute.
You can have all the answers in the world and it won't change a damned thing. You have basic answers - it ended because she is gay. You have gotten a divorce. She has moved on. The answers to whether or not she cheated don't change your current outcome. Neither do things like whether she was thinking of others while having sex with you. NONE of it changes your current situation. You will not get more closure from more answers. You get closure from accepting your situation and moving forward from there. Please trust me on this.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- selfrenewal
- Member
Offline
Re: daughter's wedding coming up next week
Jon, I also struggle with wanting him to answer all my questions or to at least apologize. But, Kel is right. Their answers won't set us free. We can't continue to look for closure from them. We won't get it from them, and ultimately have to create our own closure by accepting things as they are, unanswered questions and all. Otherwise, we'll continue to keep ourselves stuck in looping thoughts while they've moved on and, frankly, don't give a damn about us, our feelings, or what they did. Logically I know this, but struggle, just like you, figuring out how to live this way. All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue trying.
Best of luck at the wedding tomorrow. I imagine when you see your beautiful daughter and are captivated by the joyous ceremony your problems with your ex will lessen. Focus on the good you are experiencing in those moments. I know your toast will be wonderful! Enjoy tomorrow!
Last edited by selfrenewal (August 18, 2016 7:13 pm)
- Jon soltys
- Unregistered
Re: daughter's wedding coming up next week
The wedding was two days ago and it could not have been better. My walk down the aisle after the ceremony was tough because my X and her partner preceded me down the aisle, I believe arm in arm or holding hands.
My toast was warmly received, I thanked my X for bringing up such a beautiful child with me. My X and I spoke several times during the day, it seems like her partner was glued to her the whole day. Again I want to thank all who responded to my message, your kind words truly helped me during this time.
- Kel
- Member
Offline
Re: daughter's wedding coming up next week
Atta boy, John! THAT's what I wanted for you! I love that you were able to focus on your beautiful daughter and her special day. I think the fact that you gave your daughter's mother the proverbial head nod shows such dignity and focus (on your daughter). And it speaks volumes to your ex about her affect on you - namely, that you're bigger than what she did to you. At the end of the day, you were not only able to be happy, but you were big enough to act thankful. She has no power over you. You have moved on and she is now inconsequential when it comes to your happiness. You.have.arrived. congratulations!!!
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.