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1 of 1- Kt2016
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His hurtful comment
I went to a concert last weekend with some family & friends. My STBX gay husband asked me yesterday how it went & if I met any guys. I answered him by saying "no, unlike you, I respect my vows & staying faithful till we are divorced". To which he sarcastically replied "I'm not doing anything either, but I can't wait till we are divorced because all I wanna do is have all the gay sex I want". All I could say was wow. He said he was joking, but of course he's not. Just such a disrespectful thing to say. As if this isn't hard enough already for me, he has to make stupid comments like that. I notice when he says things like that, I end up having nightmares about him & TGT.
Last edited by Kt2016 (August 21, 2016 3:30 am)
- Keepinghope
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Re: His hurtful comment
Kt2016, so sorry, that was just cruel on his part. Why don't you do a 180 on him and stop talking about everything except the most necessary stuff; i.e. Money and kids.
He doesn't deserve to be a part of your daily life anymore.
- whatasham24
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Re: His hurtful comment
I agree with KeepingHope, he deserves to know NOTHING about your personal life & what's in your head & heart moving forward. Look what he did to both of those when he was included. Also, your vows are already broken, it's a matter of paperwork at this point. You owe him zero allegiance.
- Rob
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Re: His hurtful comment
Kt,
I agree with the comments somewhat. .fact is we could end any conversation with "we keep our promises..our word is good".
But it will get us nothing..they don't care, have no remorse, and in their heads convinced themselves that what they did is ok..that we are to blame.
So as much as I want to cry sometimes and let her know what she did I simply keep all contact on topic..kids and money only.
I got to see her this weekend and she found several times to swear at me.. I just looked at her with indifference.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Dixie
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Re: His hurtful comment
When we were still in the same house waiting to divorce, I spoke to him only when absolutely necessary. Dinner is ready. The dog has already had his walk. Please turn down your movie so we can do homework at the table. If he tried to be chatty, I just kept doing what I was doing (that would be everything that needed doing) and if he asked me a conversation-starter type question I always told him "None of your business." He didn't ask questions too many times after that. Then about 2 weeks later I discovered the 30 year gay affair and I kicked him out immediately.
- lost
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Re: His hurtful comment
We lived the same house for 5wks before he moved out. I slept on the air mattress in my kids' playroom while he slept in our bedroom. I rarely spoke with him because he knew what buttons to push and how to hurt me. He treated me like it was my fault that he is gay. 16yrs of marriage; 20yrs total - what a fucking waste of my life.
now I only communicate via text regarding my girls. he doesn't respond because he is passive aggressive. he drops and picks up at the door. i haven't seen him in over a month and it is a true blessing. our attorney told us about "the our family Wizard" it is an online software that you can exchange info without having to communicate directly with your ex. I had my attorney put on the divorce decree that if he didn't respond within 3 days with kids' expense, his non-response is a YES and he has to pay his share of the girls' expenses.
Kt2016, I am sorry that he is being a complete jerk to you! believe me, i was afraid to clean out our bedroom after he moved, hoping and praying that i didn't find anything. such a massive betrayal; i am sorry you are hurting.
- Dee
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Re: His hurtful comment
KT,
Wow, he really has some great life goals, doesn't he? I hope you can get away quickly and then live free knowing he us finally out of your life.
- Kel
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Re: His hurtful comment
Repeat after me: "That subject is not one I will be discussing with you". It's amazing how interesting you become to them the moment you let them know your life is completely yours now.
He only said what he said in order to get back at you for making him feel shitty about him not keeping his vows. What he wanted to hear you say was plain and simple: "No". ANY other response was going to get you a hurtful comment - because despite what he's done, he still wants you firmly committed to him.
Personally, I'd have said, "I was totally unaware of easy it was to pick up much younger men!" Lol.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Kt2016
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Re: His hurtful comment
Thanks everyone for your replies & advice.
I did have him move out in June. Just waiting on a court date now. We have become more distant, however he does not fully give me my space. He just doesn't get it. It's been very difficult for me to let go, but I've made progress. I still don't have a job yet, thankfully he still pays all our bills. I've told him many times to stop coming to the house, that we can meet half way to exchange our kids. But he refuses to do any of that until he gets served & there's orders. I believe he is having a difficult time with this too I don't think he ever thought I would be strong enough to do something. He just won't really take me completely serious about this.
He also constantly seeks reassurance from me, asking "do you want me to come home?" "Do you miss me? Love me?" "Do you like my hair cut?" "Can I go with you?" It's like he wants me to want him, and of course a lot of me still does, but I can't show that I do.
It's very difficult for me to keep it all "business like" talk/convo with him. I've been with him since I was 15/16. And to treat each other like strangers after all this time just feels so absolutely wrong & weird to me, but I've been really trying.
Kel, I will keep that comment in mind next time he asks! Lol. Actually I'd like to find a man that's a lil older when the time comes! I'm 2yrs older than my STBX.
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