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- greyhound gal
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
I wish I'd found this ages ago! I've only just done number 1- going to the clinic tomorrow to get tested.
Maybe flag the post up some where separate to its easy to see first? For the newbies?
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
Yes! I will definitely do this. I'm planning to make it a "sticky" post so that it stays at the top of the support forum. I'm also hoping to get it published in the SSN newsletter and also talk about it on the new SSN podcast.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
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Thread Starter- Leah
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
Great idea Phoenix!
I think in the resources area it would be helpful to have a list of books and links to that Ted talk by Emily...? And a few others from YouTube that have been linked in various threads on the SS dilemma.
I remember just being in such denial myself that I was not even ready to think that my spouse was deceiving me despite so much evidence. So sometimes the bumbling around this forum is the most helpful, and especially the replies from people here of support and understanding which more than anything let you know you are not alone.
But also think this will be super useful as a first post to read.... Lots of forums have a first read this post, so it will be great to have such a welcoming and practical thing to help newbies.
Keep up the good work.
Been here, wrote about it here
- Kathyd
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
When I was in the hospital, a nurse told me:
"You don't have to make any decisions right now, there'll be plenty of time for that later" Right now you deal with you and your shock.
WTF
- StrongerThanIKnew
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
One thing I read in a lot of posts on the transgendered spouses boards is that people feel guilty for not feeling supportive of their spouse's coming out. They don't want the same sex relationship they now find themselves in and they feel guilty about that. They also fear that this makes them transphobic. It does not. Again, this may be more associated with TTT (the trans thing) and may not come up as much with TGT, but I think it is important to tell people that not being ok with this doesn't mean you are transphobic or a homophobe.
Stay Strong.
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
StrongerThanIKnew wrote:
One thing I read in a lot of posts on the transgendered spouses boards is that people feel guilty for not feeling supportive of their spouse's coming out. They don't want the same sex relationship they now find themselves in and they feel guilty about that. They also fear that this makes them transphobic. It does not. Again, this may be more associated with TTT (the trans thing) and may not come up as much with TGT, but I think it is important to tell people that not being ok with this doesn't mean you are transphobic or a homophobe.
Stay Strong.
Stronger.. Thank you for bringing this topic up.
I want this first-aid kit to be helpful to all of our group. It's not just meant for those with gay or lesbian spouses.
How can this be edited to be more helpful to those with trans spouses?
Should I add something like you said in the adjust your mindset section about being supportive.. "You are not required to support their actions and you should not feel guilty about it. This is not what you signed up for and you don't have to support something that brings pain into your life"???
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
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Thread Starter- Daryl
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
Should I add something like you said in the adjust your mindset section about being supportive.. "You are not required to support their actions and you should not feel guilty about it. This is not what you signed up for and you don't have to support something that brings pain into your life"???
I think that would be a very good addition.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
The word "unfortunate" to describe newbies is, I feel....not the correct one
KIA KAHA
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
Phoenix,
How about "You should not be expected to support their actions, which have brought pain into your life; nor should you feel guilty about your feelings."
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: Collectively building a "first aid kit" for the unfortunate newbies
Ellexoh - that is just the year+ old title of this thread. I will create a new thread for the actual finished product.
OOHC - Added it to the most recent draft on page 3. Great input. Thank you!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
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Thread Starter