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August 18, 2016 11:49 pm  #21


Re: Putting the pieces together

I guess what I'm having a hard time understanding is that he seems to still be in love with me and enjoys having sex with me. Is that even possible if he's gay?

 

August 19, 2016 1:39 am  #22


Re: Putting the pieces together

Emma wrote:

I guess what I'm having a hard time understanding is that he seems to still be in love with me and enjoys having sex with me. Is that even possible if he's gay?

The simple answer is absolutely, yes.

The complex answer is that it's love and sex with an asterisk.  In both, there's something that's not quite right.  You feel it..but you can't pinpoint what the problem is.  It's your inner instinct gnawing at you more than anything else.

BTW, as a homo myself I wholeheartedly agree with Kel's earlier post.  The things she highlighted are reasons to suspect, the other stuff...not so much.

 

August 19, 2016 9:04 am  #23


Re: Putting the pieces together

Is it impossible that a straight man would have a fantasy about another man and occasionally be into receiving anal pleasure from his wife? Does that definitively mean he's gay?

     Thread Starter
 

August 19, 2016 10:18 am  #24


Re: Putting the pieces together

Emma wrote:

Is it impossible that a straight man would have a fantasy about another man and occasionally be into receiving anal pleasure from his wife? Does that definitively mean he's gay?

By definition, straight men do not have fantasies about other men.  "Curious","Bi" and "Gay" can describe those men but what those labels actually mean is not set in stone.  Homosexual attractions are never wanted.  As a result, many men deny them, fight them, repress them and/or try to redirect them.  In the short run, almost any man can be straight.  (In most of Africa and the Middle East, gay men "don't exist."  Actually they do, in the same proportion as everywhere else.  They just comply with societal demands that they live as straight men...including getting married and having children.)  In the long run, they become mean or depressed or withdrawn men who are married to women who feel like piece of furniture.

Every man can enjoy anal stimulation. Female prostitutes know that fingering a man's prostate gland is the fastest way to bring him to orgasm.  It's a good technique to use when they want an encounter to end quickly.

Men who fantasize about anal stimulation by a penis aren't just looking for physical stimulation.  The penis is often seen as a symbol of masculine power.  Being stimulated by one either brings that masculine power inside you, or, being submissive to one is a way to "punish" yourself for not being strong and masculine enough.

Many "straight" men have fantasies and sex with other men and claim they have zero interest in any kind of romantic connection.  It's common for these men to refuse to kiss on the lips but they'll do all kinds of crazy or risky things with their ass.  What's happening is that these men have gay sexual urges but they have taught themselves to block gay emotional thoughts.  The urges are biological, emotional thoughts are much more rational.  We can all choose to love parents, siblings, children and friends differently than we love partners.  We can also fall out of love with partners by choice.  But not always...when someone *really* gets under our skin all rationality is out the window.  The same is true for repressed "straight" men.  They're curious or straight or bi until they meet a man they connect with in an amazing way.  Then they realize they're much more capable of being gay than they ever wanted or imagined they could be.

Sexuality can be very complicated.  Labels simplify things but they don't provide tidy answers to complex situations.

 

August 19, 2016 10:43 am  #25


Re: Putting the pieces together

Cameron,

TY for your post to Emma.  One of the things about this forum that I love is that I always learn something new.  Your 3rd paragraph set off one of those AHA moments that sets my soul a little freer.  Thank you!

Also, I am new to this kind of forum...Can you tell me how to insert a quote from another post as you did with Emma's quote above?

WT


"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."
 

August 20, 2016 5:12 pm  #26


Re: Putting the pieces together

Emma,

The fact that you are here tells you what your gut thinks. Proof or no proof, right now you need to find a way to be good to yourself. The anger and pain can get to you. I have been where you are and found the "proof", but in the end it hasn't mattered. Even if caught, the chances of getting full disclosure are slim to none. Right now, be kind to yourself. Realize that you can't control other peoples actions, only your own. Don't do anything until you have taken whatever time you need to make decisions about what you are going to do that are best for YOU. If you still have doubts, be sure before you do anything you can never undo. (Like leave, etc.) I am hoping I will find support here as well and hope to talk to you again.


Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 

August 22, 2016 2:01 am  #27


Re: Putting the pieces together

Emma, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but hopefully you do find just the right advice & solace you need. There are a few glaring things on your list that would send off my gaydar, like the teenie shorts & shaving. The meditation bracelet & Pinterest however made me laugh....sorry! I think more importantly than any list, is the changes you have seen in your husband. Gay, like straight, comes in all styles, personalities, mannerisms, athletic prowess / feminine artsy types and everything in between. If your husband has made an about face in HIS personality, doesn't notice or care if you are naked, I'd be asking questions. Not that I did! Like a dumbass I adjusted to all the changes over the course of 25 years to the point where my list was so damn long & glaring you'd have to be an idiot to not demand answers. And my husband is a very generous, caring (on the surface) hard working, football watching "man's man". Do NOT waste a month, year, decade of your precious life passively waiting for your husband to tell you what his truth is. He already knows, which is why he's testing you with "The List" to gauge your reaction.

From my own experience, having wasted more than 2 decades, wondering & putting off the dark truth, I finally got the lady balls to do some spying. I don't care if it's unethical, I was being lied to for so long & needed concrete proof. Google "Key logger" you will find all your answers, in due time. But be prepared to rise to the occasion when you do get proof as you will no longer have the freedom of being at the stage of "I wonder?" & instead are full on confrontation & doing mode. No matter what, you deserve to live with complete confidence that your husband is true to you. It's really not that much to ask.

I hope it works out for you Emma.   

Last edited by whatasham24 (August 22, 2016 2:03 am)

 

August 22, 2016 12:35 pm  #28


Re: Putting the pieces together

"...No matter what, you deserve to live with complete confidence that your husband is true to you. It's really not that much to ask."

This I believe.    As I was snooping and reading her crap for the Nth time I thought to myself " what are you doing?  Why do you have to snoop like this?"     Its not what we signed up for.   One cannot live wondering if their spouse is out with a friend shopping or having sex.   Its not possible to live like that without trauma.


 


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

August 22, 2016 1:01 pm  #29


Re: Putting the pieces together

Rob, you're right. Funny how the cheaters see snooping as "micro managing". *eyeroll* On top of all the other lonely/sad/dark/fear-filled emotions one is already going thru, you also feel so goddamn dirty for snooping. I felt like I was stealing-from-my-grandma dirty. Very traumatic indeed. 

 

August 22, 2016 2:41 pm  #30


Re: Putting the pieces together

I drove myself half crazy with those exact same thoughts


Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 

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