Hi Lala, 

Welcome to our group.  I'm sorry you find yourself here.  We sure do know how you feel.  Please feel free to read and participate at much as you like.  Most of us find that simply telling our story and getting to outlet our emotions is very therapeutic.

You should definitely not feel humiliated.  I understand why you think this way, but I want to challenge you to change your perspective on this. 
A person's sexuality is the biggest secret anyone can keep.  It's the most personal and private thing and it's a secret that they begin to protect from their early teens.  They become absolute professional liars in order to cover up this secret.   Protecting this secret consumes their life.  It's no wonder you couldn't see something that you weren't even looking for.  When we fall in love with someone we only see the good in them.  We aren't programmed to search for big secrets.  So please don't feel humiliated. 
Instead, feel proud of the 21 years that you faithfully loved your spouse.  When  things get tough, most people are weak and they run away and give up on their marriage.  You didn't.. you did your best for more than two decades.  You tried much harder than nearly anyone would have. 


You are starting your journey.  We are here to support you.  Let us know how we can help.