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1 of 1- Sadmomma
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Keep Me Strong
Not yet 4 weeks in coming to terms that my husband is gay or bi and longs to be with a tranny. He’s admitted it may be true. But is in denial. He acknowledges we shouldn’t be married that it’s not fair to me. I’ve spent the last 4 weeks chasing him. Looking to somehow save us. But aside from his sexuality he’s spent the last 28 years cheating on me with woman and most likely men. Why the hell should his sexuality even matter. He’s a liar and a cheat. But I’m the classic co-dependent. I’m gonna help him. I’m gonna save him.
Everyday I say this is it. I’m not going to talk to him. I cannot be his bestie promising me the world that he’s gonna change He’s gonna be a better man not to stay married to me but because he knows he’s scum. He doesn’t want to be with me as a husband. But wants me there at his beck and call when he needs a bestie. When he wants to talk about what a bad person he is and his fears that he may be gay or BI. He’s really hoping bi because gay would just be the worst case scenario for him.
Well last night I blocked him on my phone. I turned off Facebook, messenger and took my email down so as not to contact me. And me not contacting him. Now he’s calling the kids saying check my email. Saying he’s written 100’s of texts because he needs to talk to me. To have me in his life. He can’t lose his bestie. That today so horrible for him!
YOU ARE NOT MY BESTIE. What you’ve done is lie to me. Cheat on me. Expose me to diseases even death all because you can’t figure out who the fuck you are and live a genuine life. You’ve robbed me of all of my 20’s,30’s and most of my 40’s.
I know I need to not talk to him. I need to stay strong. I love the fact that’s he’s miserable. That he’s alone. That’s he’s afraid. Welcome to my world mother fucker. The difference is this world YOU created Im just the dummy who stayed for far too long.
I see you now. I’m done. I need to be done. I will stay away.
But, the part of me which wishes for my life back from 5 weeks ago even though it was a lie may not be that strong.
- Leah
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Re: Keep Me Strong
Well done Sadmomma, stay strong! You have totally got it right - go no contact with him and stay away as much as you possibly can or he will continue to pull on your strength and mix you up into his confused mindset. You can try all you like to save him, but in the end he will twist it against you no matter how self-sacrificing you are. Already he has treated you with an utter lack of respect in betraying you repeatedly. And that is NOT the behaviour of a friend! That is what I kept having to remember. No friend would expose you to their illness - and I’m thinking FLU! But he has exposed you to far worse....
Stay strong. You are sad now, but better things will come in to the space that you open up for a new bestie who actually treats you like a true friend, not someone they can lean on while they figure out who they are in a closet that you are helping to protect!
It is helpful to him to stay no contact if you are actually interested in helping him. And it will be helpful for YOU and that is really what you need to focus on!
Sending much strength your way!
Been here, wrote about it here
- Sadmomma
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Re: Keep Me Strong
Thank you Leah. Your right it is what’s best for both of us. I’m confident if we tried to go back to our “happy old life” that this would continue happening again and again. Just like it had for the last 28 years. I’ve a feeling he’s gonna come back strong very soon. Because he does not want to be gay. He’s gonna play the my parents really screwed me up card, that it’s a porn addiction and bisexual is not gay. Thank you for your reply. I’m gonna do this! I have to.
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Thread Starter- Sadmomma
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Re: Keep Me Strong
Four kids 16,18,19 and 25. Our 25 year old daughter pretty much knows everything. The younger kids nothing at all. The 25 year old thinks dads just a scum bag. He’s had so many affairs with women and now he wants to be with a tranny. She fully expects him to go sleep around then come crawling back. Just like he had two years ago. She wants him back because he’s her dad and it seemed we were really happy on the outside. I’m a pro at haveing parties and taking photos and going on vacations. So everyone says wow you’ve the perfect life. But it was all to fool even myself. To make it seem like we all were happy. Ultimately, the kids are not as upset as they were two years ago. They say mom we love Dad but we don’t like him. We all are better off without him in our lives. The 25 year old hasn’t spoken to him. She has a lot of hate at the moment. Her opinion is he’s not gay. He’s bi if anything and I quote,” who the hell cares if your gay or bi in 2018. He just wants to screw the streets and have an excuse. Making us all feel bad for him”. Be who you are and stop destroying everyone’s life. Eventually they will have to be told something. I just worry about the youngest. He’s still in school and I know kids can be heartless. I just need to let this play out. Anytime I even say gay or bi him the husband is like no no no. I’ve other issues beside what I may be. Why does everything always come back to sex with you! Um, because that’s what all of this is about.
Last edited by Sadmomma (April 1, 2018 4:57 pm)
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Thread Starter- Scrupulous
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Re: Keep Me Strong
Exactly Sadmomma!
Bi/Gay... it doesn't matter. What matters is that he is a habitual liar and a cheat. He'll come back with all sorts of justifications but the bottom line is the same. Stay true to your convictions. These men are heartless souls who do nothing more than use us to fulfill their need to appear normal while they drain our very being.
I've spent months researching and trying to understand them so I don't hate... but the more I research the more I realize they are just selfish pigs that use women to procreate for them.
Lose him and save yourself and your children.
Life is like phases of the moon.... We really only see it when it's beautiful, full and in our face.
- Rob
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Re: Keep Me Strong
Sadmomma,
Here's tom reminding us all..even us veteran empaths and survivors need to be reminded not to be sucked into their warped and immoral reality;
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7