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1 of 1- phoenix
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Re: Feeling Terrible
JenS wrote:
Am I tough enough to figure things out and serve him and pursue divorce but unable to get it across the goal line?
I don't think you have a choice. I think pursuing divorce is the easy way out at this point. You have to rip of that band-aid and get it over with. He's literally sucking the life out of you and will continue to do so until you put a stop to it.
Where do you want to be 18 months from now? Can you stand the idea of being in the same situation at that time? Or do you want to be free and healthy and optimistic about life?
You can do it Jen!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Kel
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Re: Feeling Terrible
Please ask your lawyer what can be done in order to get this to move forward despite your dh's disengagement. Some lawyers aren't on the up and up, and will drag things out since it just means more money for them. You need to insist that things move forward or you will be seeking different council.
You are just.as.important as everyone else in this scenario - you as important as your husband, and as your children. You may be accustomed to putting everyone else first, but that doesn't mean that you're less important than them. YOU are also entitled to happiness, and kindness, and to having others around you see you for who you truly are - not just how others would like to paint you. And your children are entitled to honesty and authentic relationships. They are not having either of those with your husband - they are being lied to, and you are being painted as a villain while he comes out looking like the good guy. That's not fair to you, and it's not right for your kids to live as though that reality is the truth.
If you have to start telling everyone the truth in order to get your life back, then do it unashamedly. If he thinks he did nothing wrong, then he shouldn't have any issue with having his actions exposed, right? And if he DOES think he did something wrong, then certainly he must understand your right to decide that you don't want to be in this relationship any longer. He gets to own up to what he did - that's what a man DOES. You don't need to continue protecting anyone any longer; it's not your job, and it's not getting you anything positive. You're making yourself the fall guy, but it's not serving anyone else well, despite your suffering.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Rob
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Re: Feeling Terrible
JenS,
Mine took over a year..mostly due to GX coming to realize that I would not just go live in a card board box on the street simply if she was abusive. It can drag on and on as they waste money.
Thing is where I live when you file a divorce the courts want it off the books..they finally had us and the lawyers come down to the courthouse and said settle it or set a trial date. Tell your lawyer you want to do that..he agrees with your proposed terms or set a trial date.
I find it preposterous...he has to reply to a divorce compliant..he can ignore you but he cannot ignore the legal system.
There is an end...it cannot go on forever.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- lily
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Re: Feeling Terrible
Kel, It's not Jen doing it, it's her GIDH that is making her the fall guy!
I hope her lawyer can do whatever comes next asap. it's unbearable stress with these GIDHs who don't want the divorce. Horrible. Behind the mask these are not kind people.
It took me 18 months to get a signature on a settlement. By the time that happened I felt like a stretcher case being carried by my lawyer and friends, I was so beaten up and exhausted from the strain. Things got better from there, once I had the signature.
all the best, Jen, wishing you lots and lots of good luck and a hug
- lily
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Re: Feeling Terrible
Hi Rob,
good post, it came up as I was writing mine. yes, there is an end, it cannot go on forever - well said.